Ninteenth Unused Utility Belt | Video, backdated to after the breach ends (cw: fire damage)

[hellofist]

[The feed comes on to show Cass... well, she kind of looks like crap. But more than that, behind her her room, her real room on the Barge, seems to be confused about what it wants to be. In some places it's a replication of what Merlin's room looks like - there's his bed in one corner, a large wooden table with a red rose in a pot, for example.

Other parts are what the inside of a burned down building would look like. There's smoke damage, blackened walls, the remains of a dresser. The big computer is halfway melted and warped, the screen cracked and beyond repair. Looks like the Barge couldn't recreate what home is for Cass because she doesn't even know herself anymore.]

I'm back.

[There's not... that much to say after that, really. She's back, yay, no she doesn't want to talk about it.]

It was... about a week? I think. Learned... lots of things. About me, about... what I'm for. Why I... was made. It's funny, how you can... be so sure, who you are, but be... completely wrong.

Anyway. Back.


[Private to Merlin]
Are you... working? Or in room?


[Private to Dean, Chris, and Cassel, sent separately]
Have... to give you something. Can I come over?


[Private to Stephanie]
I understand, now. Why... I'm not Batgirl. Why you are. I didn't really, before. But... I'm glad you are.


[Private to Kon]
[After far too long passes with no answer to Steph, Kon gets a slightly panicked message from Cass.]

Where is Stephanie?


[Private to Dick Grayson and Tim Drake]
I know... that you won't see this. You can't. I just miss you. I shouldn't, but I wish... you were here.

Comments

spam

[patheticvillain]

Well.

[He grins weakly, shoving his hands in his pockets.]

That's better than you trying to act like none of it was my fault, anyway. It's a start.

I missed you, too.

spam

[tolaywaste]

Not well, no. We talked a couple times, but no, I didn't know him.

spam

[hellofist]

[She steps in closer, reaching up to put a hand on his shoulder.]

Going to hug you, now. Ready?

[ Spam ]

[surfaceshine]

[Dean doesn't know how to feel about that, and it would be obvious even to anyone who wasn't Cass. He's angry about it, he can't help but be, he loves her; he wants good things for her, not stabbed through the chest. And the stabbing doesn't help either: he remembers the sound knives make punching through flesh, remembers watching Sam crumple into the mud, remembers watching a stranger make a run for it because his job was done.

A strange kind of empathy, because Dean doesn't remember dying but he remembers waking up, back in that hospital in Missouri, long before he knew anything about the Barge. He remembers being confused, and he remembers thinking he missed something, something important, and he remembers knowing he should be dead.

Relief, because she's back; the guilt, because he didn't want to be this deep into her life, not until she told him, but he promised; anger again, washing fresh over his distaste for Cain, for willfully doing this; the creeping, bile-raising horror that anyone could do this to kids, distant and vague but present from the core of him. It's all there in the pause before he speaks.

The nameless dread that he knows how people are brought back in his world, and it's never good.

He frowns, goes with the empathy and the protectiveness.] How?

spam

[patheticvillain]

[It's easier if he initiates it. The touch surprises him, not much, but enough so he knows to be careful. He's strange and finicky sometimes. But he wants to hug her.]

[So he just does, reaches out and pulls her close like she's a breakable thing, tucking his chin onto her shoulder.]

Ready.

[hellofist]

Oh...

[There should be a way to pad this, but there isn't. There's no nice way to say any of what she has to say, but this is Barbara. She deserves a softer answer, there just... isn't one.]

No.

spam

[hellofist]

[With a sigh, Cass puts her arms around Cassel and hugs him back, tighter than he's holding her because she can take it and it's better when it's closer.]

Good.

[She ducks her head and closes her eyes, listening to Cassel's heartbeat and just not reading him for a few long moments.]

[ Spam ]

[hellofist]

Same way as Jason. Lazarus Pit. It... People shouldn't come back, that way. Messes them up.

[She hadn't had the memories to compare at the time, but it was just like the illness on the barge that made people go crazy and hurt people. She'd lost herself, the only thoughts were jumbled together urges to kill and not stop.]

She brought me back... so I'd kill her. She told me, after I... calmed down, was myself. That's what I was for. It's why... she had me.

[Now she steps back, out from under the protection of Dean's arm.]

Snapped her neck. Left her... hanging from hooks, over pit. She thanked me, while she died.

[ Spam ]

[surfaceshine]

[Dean doesn't know what a Lazarus Pit is and he's not sure whether to be relieved or not; the name itself is, of course, probably meant to inspire the crawling discomfort down the spines of whoever hears it. Dean himself is familiar with the Biblical reference, of course, given his line of work but there's no such thing in his world that he knows of.

He believes her, though, and he believes her when she continues. And it makes him mad.]

What the actual hell.

[Shitty fathers are one thing; Dean gets that more than he'd like to, and he has Cain's file, he's getting to know Cain whether he wants to or not, so he gets that a little bit as well. But two shitty parents? There's a bit of a kneejerk reaction here, revulsion at the very idea that a mother could agree to the sorts of things that had happened to Cass, could want to build on that. He knows he's biased. He doesn't care.

Cass steps away from him and Dean resists for a moment, but in the end doesn't force her to stay. He does try to keep his hand on her arm, though, still protective, still angry, and maybe a little bit of that is a hard-eyed kind of distaste for Cass having actually done it.

But mostly, he's pissed at whoever this mystery woman is.]

Cass, listen to me. That's not what kids are for. That's not what people are for. If she wanted herself dead, there are so many other ways to do it, so many shorter ways than having a kid and raising it and teaching it how to do what she ain't got the guts to do herself, if it was that big of a fucking issue. No.

No. You don't owe her anything, you don't owe him anything, you're not anything but who you are and who choose to be. You hear me?

[bodilesswarrior]

[Her face crumples, just a little bit. That's what she'd been most afraid of; that Cass would face the world alone.]

I'm sorry.

Re: SPAM

[takeyouapart]

[He ducks his head.]

...I felt that way about Morgana. I know it's not the same, but -- I loved her, a little, a long time ago. I would have done anything to stop her, but...in the end, there was only one thing I could do. And I'm not sorry that I did it.

[mistconduct]

Yeah, sorry, that's pretty gross. My bad.

[Snickering, Chris gladly accepts the hug]

I don't deserve jack shit, please.

[hellofist]

Is he your friend? The Riddler?

[And yeah she's just going to pinch him for that.]

Shut up. I say you do, so you do.

[mistconduct]

He's like a step-dad.

Ow! Jesus, Cass, are you serious? Christ, come on! Inmate, duh, remember?

[hellofist]

[There are worse Gotham villains for him to befriend, Cass supposes. At least he's not getting buddy buddy with Ra's al Ghul.]

As long as... he's nice to you.

Inmate doesn't matter. I love you, you deserve good things.

[mistconduct]

He is. ...Sort of. In a way. He doesn't give me what I want, he gives me what I need.

I love you too, Cass. Not sure my warden would agree on the nice things part, but it's cool to feel wanted.

SPAM

[hellofist]

Merlin...

[She lets go of his hand so she can hug him again, wondering what it is about them that draws all the worst things the universe has to hand out to them. It may be worse for Merlin, Morgana is here, he has to live his days here knowing he might see her, have to confront that loss constantly. At least Shiva is far away.]

I'm sorry. I wish... things could be different.

SPAM

[takeyouapart]

[He returns the hug, leaning into her.]

So do I.

SPAM

[hellofist]

[She just holds him for awhile, soaking up what it feels like to feel real love, not... whatever it was Shiva had for her. That wasn't love, it can't be. Cain has it when he looks at her, twisted and wrong, but Shiva abandoned her. There's nothing wrong about how Merlin loves her and right now she desperately needs this.

After a few long moments, she remembers something.]

Something... kind of good happened, I guess. Barbara did tests, on my brain. In normal brains, language is... in one place. Mine is everywhere, scattered around. So, hard to learn, but I can. Just have to... find right ways.

Re: SPAM

[takeyouapart]

Oh -

[Merlin doesn't entirely get neurology - he has a high school graduate's grasp of modern science and a fairly comprehensive understanding of the medical fundamentals - but he understands that parts of the brain are dedicated to different things and that sometimes when one part of the brain fails (or is used by something else in this case, he assumes), other parts take up the slack.]

That's wonderful, Cass. You know I'll help you, with anything you need.

spam

[patheticvillain]

[Cass has never felt like a threat to him. It's unusual, but he's learned to accept it, that she's someone who hasn't had to earn his trust but whom he trusts implicitly. Something about her - she's not normal, but she's also not broken in the same way he is. Maybe they can help each other.]

[He holds her tightly, wanting to keep her away from that room and whatever happened at home for as long as he can.]

Spam.

[an_abomination]

[Watching Cass is breaking his heart, one piece at a time. What can he say to her to make any of this better? Can he even say anything to her?

Then sh begins to sob and he rushes over to her side, pulling her into his arms if she lets him.]

This isn't the end. You'll get to see her again. My deal will allow us to visit whoever.

Spam.

[hellofist]

[She doesn't at first, her hands go against his chest to hold him back. She doesn't want this, she wants Stephanie, if she's gone here it's like she was never alive again in the first place.

Her hands tighten in his shirt, clutching and holding on until she sags into him and cries against his chest.]

Spam.

[an_abomination]

[Kon rests his hands on her arms, not pressing forward, but not pulling away either. when she crumples into his arms, he holds onto her tightly. He can feel tears begin to sting his eyes.

In his heart-of-hearts, he knows Steph going back home was for the best. Heck, he encouraged her to go home and get her life back there going. But that doesn't put an end to his pain. Earlier in the morning, he found himself pouring coffee for Steph, because he's been doing that every morning for over a year.

Draws in his breath, trying to steady himself. He wants to be strong for Cass, so badly. She's been through so much, it's not fair that she has to continue to endure more and more hardships.]

Spam.

[hellofist]

[It makes sense, now. Why Chris was so upset, why Cassel kept talking about Steph and how he hurt her. The impact her return had had on them had been more because Steph was gone and not coming back, she can see it.

It takes a long time for her to cry herself out, but by the time she has no energy to cry she still feels hopeless, alone, abandoned. Stephanie feels dead and if it weren't for everyone here who remembered her, Cass thinks that maybe she would let herself believe the Lazarus Pit had put those memories in her head.]