hellofist. Entries tagged with tlv

[So maybe the whole communication in the middle of the night thing is a bad, rude habit to get into, but here's Cass again, sitting on her bed in her room in the sweater from Barbara, all her other gifts carefully arranged in front of her.]

I wanted to, uh... say thank you.

[Really, doing this is long overdue but it's taken Cass this long to commit to the idea of actually doing this. Accepting the presents means more than just accepting a few gifts, to her. It means confronting the idea that she may be worth a few nice things, that she can keep them if it means the people she's come to care about won't think her rejection of love and comfort means she doesn't appreciate them.

She didn't like that idea, of what Barbara's face would look like if the sweater reappeared folded and never worn on her doorstep. Maybe she shouldn't have unwrapped the first gift at all, but there it is. Now she has a small collection and the strangest desire to keep it all.]

Haven't really done holidays, before. They're new. [After she says it she realizes maybe it's not true, maybe she's celebrated Christmas before on this ship and just can't remember it and that is a truly unpleasant thought. Still, she goes right on with trying to say what she wants to say.] So the presents, they mean more. And I want them, so that... means a lot too. If that makes sense.

[It probably doesn't make sense, but she's saved with a sudden chiming from the clock on her dresser. When she looks over, both hands are pointing straight up. Midnight.]

Guess it's a new holiday, now. Happy New Year, Barge.

Private to Connor

Is this... a necklace? I can't figure out...

[She's got the belt in both hands, holding it up and seeing what it feels like draped around her neck but no that just looks strange. Finally giving up, she folds it gently in half.]

You have to explain.

Private to Scott

[And now she picks up the bat keychain, looks down at it for a moment before facing the camera again.]

I need to give this back. If we meet, I can... try to explain. I just... I can't have it.

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[For anyone who was on the Barge for Christmas, this sight might be a familar one. Cass, alone in a bed in a blank room. No tears this time, just a haunted, lost kind of expression.]

Merlin is gone.

[She opens her mouth to say something else, but nothing comes. What is she supposed to say? That the person she loves most in the entire world is just gone and she didn't get to say goodbye? That she's terrified because she might not ever get to see him again? That she's sorry maybe, for all the people who love him and won't see him either. She switches the feed to just audio because it's easier that way.]

He might come back. He... did last time. Didn't remember things, but... he was back. That was... was what counted. So I guess... we just wait.

[She can do that. She can focus on him coming back, she has to.]

That's... that's all.

[Now things cut off completely. Should anyone happen to be passing by Merlin's now empty room, it might be possible to hear crying inside. Looks like she didn't manage to keep it together after all.]

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[The feed comes on to show Cass... well, she kind of looks like crap. But more than that, behind her her room, her real room on the Barge, seems to be confused about what it wants to be. In some places it's a replication of what Merlin's room looks like - there's his bed in one corner, a large wooden table with a red rose in a pot, for example.

Other parts are what the inside of a burned down building would look like. There's smoke damage, blackened walls, the remains of a dresser. The big computer is halfway melted and warped, the screen cracked and beyond repair. Looks like the Barge couldn't recreate what home is for Cass because she doesn't even know herself anymore.]

I'm back.

[There's not... that much to say after that, really. She's back, yay, no she doesn't want to talk about it.]

It was... about a week? I think. Learned... lots of things. About me, about... what I'm for. Why I... was made. It's funny, how you can... be so sure, who you are, but be... completely wrong.

Anyway. Back.

( Private to Merlin )
( Private to Dean, Chris, and Cassel, sent separately )
( Private to Stephanie )
( Private to Kon )
( Private to Dick Grayson and Tim Drake )

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[Oh hi barge. Cass is looking kind of... flummoxed? She's not really sure how to feel about this recent development, but here she is, ready to tell you about it.

She may or may not have some little yellow flowers in her hair, don't worry about those.]

Loki is gone. I don't... know if it's for good. But... he's gone now.

[Will the Admiral even pair them back up if he happens to return? She doesn't know. She doesn't really know if she wants that or not.]

I guess... more free time, now? [Why doesn't she look happy about that?] Don't know. Just wish... I'd done more, for him.

Don't know. That's all... I had to say.

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[Open Spam]
[Cass inhabiting the CTS isn't a new Barge occurrence, but it's not typical for her to go in looking upset and come out still... really looking upset. But here she is, sitting on the floor outside the CTS to catch her breath and wait for her legs to start working again because it's been a few hours now of nothing but punching and kicking and pushing herself so she wouldn't feel anything, but it's not really doing the job this time around.

So yeah, she's kind of brooding outside the CTS like any good Bat does after an upsetting day.]

( Private text to Dean )
( Spam for Merlin )

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[The feed comes on to show Cass looking a little out of breath, hair pulled partly out of her ponytail and a few scratches on her face. Despite all that, she's still cheerful. Behind her is a background of green leaves, but not much else.]

So uh... came to CES, to see... for myself, what's happening. It's different, buildings and stuff. Like that part.

[There's some odd snuffling and growling sounds in the background and Cass looks down, frowning a little now.]

If you were... planning to come now, would wait. There's bears.

[She pans down now to show them, two huge bears stalking around the bottom of the tree she's scrambled up to get away from them. They're not climbing up yet which is good, but they're definitely not pleased to have someone in their territory.]

Big bears. Big mean bears. They'll lose interest [hopefully] but um... for now, maybe avoid CES.

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[Cass has always been something of a tosser and turner when it comes to sleeping, but for the most part it's cut down in the time she's been sleeping in Merlin's bed. It still happens every now and then, mostly when she's finding a new way to sleep, so it's not really that surprising when she turns over and smacks her communicator hard enough to knock it onto the floor.

The surprising part? It turns itself on. Good morning, Bargians! You now have the view of what's under Merlin's bed and the sounds of someone waking up.]

Did you... hear thud?

[There's the sound of someone else waking up and some 'I forgot how to talk overnight' mmphing noises.]

No…? Did you? [A short pause.] Stupid question, sorry.

( cut for length )

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( Private to the Admiral )
[Filtered from Loki]
[Now that that's dealt with, hello barge! Cass is hanging out in the CES today, sitting on a rock so she can get some sun. All that time in the infirmary left her feeling kind of stir crazy, so here she is.]

By now, will have seen... Loki's... whatever that was. Sorry, for him. Would be better if... he'd just bother me. No one else... should have to see that.

But, it's also good. What he wants, it's public. Everyone knows, wants to hurt me. But, he won't attack me. He'll hurt you. Everyone I love, everyone I care about, he'll hurt them.

So, restricted his strength. Which means, most of you? Stronger than him, now. Still, be careful. He's insane, if he wants to hurt, he'll find way. All I ask is... try not to kill him?

That's, um. That's all.

[She waves, then cuts the feed.]

( Private text to Merlin )

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[Hi barge. Have the first ever audio transmission because Cass kind of can't bear to show her face right now. Shame will do that to you.]

Um... In Infirmary. Feel better now, not... dead, anymore.

[She has no idea what to say and that's clear in the long silence that follows. With a sigh, she makes herself continue.]

I'm sorry. To everyone I hurt, or worried. It wasn't- [She stops there, because saying it wasn't her isn't exactly true. It was her, and it will be her in the future.] I didn't mean to.

I hope you're... all okay, now. No words, for how sorry I am. None good enough. But... I am. Will understand if... Will just leave you alone. [Hopefully not forever, but Cass figures most of you need time to, you know, actually trust her again.

The feed cuts out there because really, what else is there to say to the people you tried to murder?]

Open Infirmary spam
[For the past few days of her Death Tolling, Cass has either been sleeping or pretending to sleep between fits of nausea so she didn't have to see anyone. Now, though, she's trying not to be selfish and give her friends (if she still has any) the chance to come and see her, or to give anyone who might still be angry the chance to confront her.]

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Um. I'm awake, now.

[Have a wave and half a smile, Barge.]

Didn't mean... to worry anyone. Sorry. I'm okay, though. I know... things have changed. Birthday passed. Was going to be... first one. Never knew it, growing up. Guess weapons... weren't allowed them. Merlin said, can have party. Don't know how, though. Could use tips.

Want to see everyone. Can meet somewhere, or you... come to Merlin's room. Staying here now, moved stuff already. It's... safer, this way. For my heart.

[That doesn't make a lot of sense out of context though, does it? She sighs and her smile fades, dissolves into a look that's somewhere between uncomfortable and just sad.]

There's a man here, David Cain. My father.

[She's truthful almost all of the time anyway, but this is when it becomes clear she's affected by this flood.]

Don't kill him. He's not... worth your time. Deserves a chance. Bad father, bad man, deserves to die, maybe should die, but... deserves his chance, too. Just leave him alone. Don't want people... getting hurt. Love you all too much.

That's... guess that's all.

( Private to Bruce Wayne )

( Private to David Cain )

( Spam for Dean and Barbara, separately )

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People keep showing up, with memories... that don't match up. Happening a lot, lately. Guess it happens... all the time, but... seems like more, now.

[Cass stops a second, not looking into the feed but at something past the comm, jaw clenching and relaxing as she thinks.]

Know I did... something. Or... something happened, to me. Made me... someone people don't like? Or are scared of. Don't know.

[It's a little terrifying, to talk to Tim and see him be relieved she's not whatever she becomes in his future.]

I guess, want advice. Want to know... if you did something... bad, or wrong, would you... want to know? Want someone... to tell you, so you could stop? Or just... let it happen, hope you... do right things?

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All the food... is big.

[Or, you know, she's small and everything else is huge in comparison. Cass has made it to the kitchen and found herself a pie, which she's already dug her hands into and started eating. She's actually in the pie now, holding onto a cherry the size of her head, mouth all smeared with pie filling and there might actually be some in her hair, but she doesn't care. It's a giant pie. Come on.]

Had dreams, like this. Giant food, no one to... stop me. Probably can't... eat whole pie, though.

[She looks over to the other side of the pie, the crust still all in one piece. She hasn't made it to that side yet.]

I guess... I could share.

( Spam for Merlin )

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( Private text to Bruce Wayne )

[Video]
[When the video turns itself on, instead of an excited Merry Christmas!, the barge gets a shot of Cass sitting in bed in a blank cabin. She's in her pajamas still, hasn't gotten far, and her eyes are red and she's still crying.]

Merlin's gone. [Her voice is surprisingly even, despite speaking through her tears.] Went to bed and... he was here... Now his room is...

[She doesn't really know what to do, to say, but she knows she has to tell people that Merlin has disappeared, gone home. She's not thinking it might seem strange to most people on the Barge that she'd be sleeping in Merlin's bed at all, not right now. With a swipe at her eyes to try to dry them that completely fails, she tries to continue.]

Don't know... if he'll come back. But, he's...

[She doesn't finish. Instead, her hand covers up the camera and there's a few muffled sobs before the feed cuts off entirely.]

[Spam]
[For anyone who wants to go looking for her, Cass is still in Merlin's bedroom, still in his bed, curled up under the blankets. It's not fair that her first Christmas be like this, that she doesn't even have the familiarity of Merlin's room to comfort her. She'll get up eventually, but it will only be to drag some of her things back to the empty room. She has to save it for when he comes back, can't let anyone else move in. If that happens, she really has lost him.]

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[When the feed clicks on, Cassandra isn't actually in view. Instead, the first thing seen is London at night... from very high up. She's filming mostly for herself, so she can go back and look at London from a thousand feet in the air again, but it seems like a good thing to show the rest of the Barge, too.]

Missed cities. Nothing feels better than... being up high, seeing everything. Wish I had parachute, would jump.

[She turns the camera around to show herself dressed in the batsuit, tugging the cowl off once she's in view.]

Never been to London, so I figure... climb to top of everything. Might never get to, if not now. There's a big clock, might be next. Any suggestions?

(ooc: Cass has climbed to the top of this. It's only the tallest building in the UK it's nbd.)

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( private audio to admiral: christmas list )

[Public Video]

[Cass has set the communicator up so it points at the large frozen lake in the CES and once she's sure it's recording, she grins and takes a few steps back.]

Watch this.

[Turning away, she runs for the lake and jumps onto the ice, sliding across on her feet. Apparently, she's not letting the lack of ice skates get to her. Once she comes to a stop, she turns back to the camera and starts her way back.]

It's fun! Everyone should... come try. Can let in inmates, if you promise... to be good.

(ooc: feel free to comment with spam if your character is a warden! Cass will let any inmate in so long as she can tell they're not there to cause problems.)

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[It's late, it's been dark for hours and she's pretty sure everyone else is sleeping, but Cass can't. It's not really a new thing, since generally crime fighters are out all night anyway, but the events of the port haven't helped much.

She's in her room when she turns the feed on, dressed in her Batgirl costume except for the cowl and gloves. She feels more like herself, dressed this way.]

What are... tips, for sleeping? Or... to do, to make tired? Don't say reading.

Is anyone else... even up?

( Spam for Merlin )

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[Cass is kind of nervous about this, fidgiting on her place on her bed and chewing on her thumbnail as she tries to figure out something to say. If there's someone from home who can hear her, she wants to talk to them. But... they're all dead, aren't they? Or if they're not dead, they're here with her. Or recently dead but returned to life which is good.]

Um. Hello? It's Cassandra.

[What if she gets Cain? Or Shiva? This was a mistake, it's just inviting more bad things to happen on the barge.]

Never mind.

[And the feed shuts off there.]

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[Hello there Barge. Cass is in the library, sitting on the floor with a bunch of books spread around her. When she turns the feed on, she's got a copy of A Tale of Two Cities in her hands. She'd recognized it as the book she had tried to read when she had stayed at Tim's apartment, but it was only the spine and the cover she knew. She still has no idea what it's about, or even what it is.]

Um. Don't know lots of things. Trying to learn. Reading, how to... use comm. But...

[Well, staring at words and trying to will them into making sense? It's not very effective.]

Need help. Had offers. Cashing in. [It's possible she got that phrase from Dean.] In library. Anyone can come, need... lots of help.

(ooc: ABSOLUTELY ANYONE is welcome to come and see Cass about reading, even if they haven't previously talked to her about helping out. Come and poke the little bat!)

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[Today, Cass is dressed like a normal person. She's sitting in the cafeteria with a mug of tea, perched in a chair with her knees drawn up to her chest and her oversized sweater pulled over them so she's just a blob of blue fabric with arms. Even the hood is up. With her chin on her knees and her eyes on the tea, she speaks to the comm quietly.]

Had all the words. Could make them, if I wanted. Could write. Talked normal. Was normal.

Couldn't see bodies talking. Didn't need. [Her fist comes up to rub at her temple.] Makes headaches, now.

Does that... happen a lot? Was confusing. Was not fun.

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[When the video feed comes on, it looks like everything is upside down. Only Cassandra's neck and chin are visible at first, showing a lopsided frown as she fumbles with the communicator, nearly drops it, and then finally turns it upside down. Now the view is her face right side up, and she grins into the camera before a paning shot shows she is hanging upside down from a tree in the CES.]

Crunches. Upside down. 500. Bored.

[She could have done this in the gym, yes, but there are less people here usually. Besides-]

Climbed the tree. Always wanted... to try. Bats are upside down. Funny, because [She puts her hand on her chest here.] Batgirl. Warden.

[And then she waves.] Hi.

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