Tenth Unused Utility Belt | Video

[hellofist]

People keep showing up, with memories... that don't match up. Happening a lot, lately. Guess it happens... all the time, but... seems like more, now.

[Cass stops a second, not looking into the feed but at something past the comm, jaw clenching and relaxing as she thinks.]

Know I did... something. Or... something happened, to me. Made me... someone people don't like? Or are scared of. Don't know.

[It's a little terrifying, to talk to Tim and see him be relieved she's not whatever she becomes in his future.]

I guess, want advice. Want to know... if you did something... bad, or wrong, would you... want to know? Want someone... to tell you, so you could stop? Or just... let it happen, hope you... do right things?

Comments

[ Video ]

[surfaceshine]

[He's tempted to go audio on this one because it's way too close to home, but that's what she needs right now. He remembers what it was like when people who knew him from further down his own timeline casually mentioned things he didn't know about, things he thought he'd never do, things that someone he never thought he'd be was doing; he'd been angry, and maybe panicked a little, and hurt beyond belief.

And now he's determined not to be that person, and she needs to see all of that, so he clicks on the video.]

Future's not set, sweetheart. If you start believing that, might as well quit while you're ahead, and don't you dare.

[ Video ]

[hellofist]

Not gonna quit. Too much... I want to do.

[It feels good, it helps to see how she feels about all of this reflected in him. She supposes that only makes sense when it seems like they're the same person half the time.]

So, you wouldn't? Want to know, I mean.

[ Video ]

[surfaceshine]

[That part had been mainly a joke, except for how it wasn't at all; he'd seen Sam trying to give up on him before they even got going too many times. He saw Buffy give up. He'd watched John giving up his entire life.

He doesn't know how much more quitting he can take.]

...I didn't. At first. I was pretty pissed off.

But now I know what to watch for. I know how to get around it, and I'm gonna.

[ Video ]

[hellofist]

[They're both tired, but the only option is to just keep going. It's a little terrifying, being this worn down already and still having so far to go, being deprived of one of the best coping mechanisms she'd had, but Dean is still here. So is Barbara and Steph and somehow, she can manage all this so long as they stay right where they are.]

What's gonna happen? What will... you do?

[ Video ]

[surfaceshine]

[There's a moment when he thinks of it; when he thinks about pushing Sam away, about not being able to trust him, about how he's got a one-way ticket to Hell, about how he breaks there, and they end the world together. It terrifies him still, knowing that his choices are stay here forever without Sam, or finish getting him back and then go there and risk it all still.

But this isn't about him - as quick as it's there it's gone, pushed forcefully down and back behind his signature determination.]

Nothing. Nothing like what I've been told, because I've been told. I've got the marked cards, now, and I know the odds.

That's my opinion: no matter how shitty the odds, I'd rather know what I'm in for, if I can.

[ Video ]

[hellofist]

[She sees it, how he almost tells her something important and then just pushes it away, shuts her out for a reason she could never guess. He's doing it for her own good, but it only makes it seem like he doesn't trust her enough to know.

She brings a hand up to scrub through her hair and doesn't push, doesn't ask what it is. She forgets sometimes that people have secrets they want to keep, that just because she can see everything it doesn't mean she's entitled to any of it. It's just a side effect.]

Did you ask? Or... get told?

[ Video ]

[surfaceshine]

[He's doing it for the good of both of them, for multiple reasons; he can't be thinking about that, not right now. He only needs as much of it as it takes to give his words weight, to show her he means what he says.]

I was told. I didn't know there was anything to ask about, and I sure as shit wasn't expecting all of that.

[ Video ]

[hellofist]

And you're glad, now? Now you know, can... do what's needed?

[She's really not sure where she stands still, isn't even sure if she's leaning more towards asking or just letting it be forever, letting it surprise her.]

[ Video ]

[surfaceshine]

I wouldn't go so far as glad - not pissed off anymore, anyway.

If not needed, at least I can not do what I did to fuck it up the first time.

[There's uncertainty lingering under his confidence - he knows himself, knows he doesn't do things like that without good reason, knows Sam is his weakness; and he knows how sometimes decisions only make sense in the moment but in that moment they make perfect, terrible, logical, powerful sense - but only Cass would see it. It's nowhere near the surface, lingering down inside of him where he keeps all the things he doesn't want anyone to see.]

[ Video ]

[hellofist]

[She does see it, and she would hug him if she were with him. At the very least she'd reach for his hand, but all she can do now is lower her eyes from him because it's not something he wants people to see, so she won't look.]

Still don't know... if I'll ask. Can tell it's big. And... bad. Very bad.

[ Video ]

[surfaceshine]

Well, that's somethin' only one person can decide, sweetheart.

[He's taking a moment to pack it all back in where it goes, but he means it nonetheless; and he means it when he says] Hey. [so she'll look back up at him. Waits to meet her eyes, and means it when he continues:]

Nothing - and I mean nothing - is set in stone.

[ Video ]

[hellofist]

[It takes her a long time to look at him, but when she finally does she does it without hesitation. She needed her own minute just as bad as he did. She wants to ask and she doesn't and it's giving her a headache, but what Dean says next helps.

She nods, thinks it over for herself a few times. Nothing's in stone, nothing's in stone. The person who does those bad things, it's not her. It doesn't have to be. She can do what she has to do to avoid the future that makes people afraid of her.]

Will remember. Will... never forget.

[ Video ]

[surfaceshine]

[Dean waits. He can wait, as long as it takes, give her her moment too. If she takes too long or cuts the feed, he thinks, he can always just go find her. It's a small Barge and he's confident in his ability to find her, in the obscure but certain knowledge that she'd let him find her.

But she looks up, she nods, and she says that; he waits another few long moments, doesn't know he's letting her see the same thing in him reflected back at her. He doesn't have to go to Hell, he doesn't have to be the person they told him he was, will be. And if he can, she can - and if she can, he can.

The corners of his mouth quirk towards a smile, though it's lowkey and sincere. There's pride and affection in his low voice.]

Attagirl.

[ Video ]

[hellofist]

[The smile that finds its way onto her face is weak, tremulous at first, but it builds and sticks while she watches his hope starting to shine through him too. She touches her fingertips to the image of his face on her comm and when he praises her, the smile breaks out completely and she ducks her head because she's pleased this time.

She's worked so hard to see that kind of pride in her, from the Bruce in her world and the one here, from her father when she was little and wanted him to think she was good enough. She's starting to learn that that isn't something that should be earned, it should be given because you're loved. Dean is proud of her because she's her, not because she's a weapon or Batgirl.

He's proud because she's Cassandra.]

Thank you.