Eleventh Unused Utility Belt | Video, Spam

[hellofist]

Um. I'm awake, now.

[Have a wave and half a smile, Barge.]

Didn't mean... to worry anyone. Sorry. I'm okay, though. I know... things have changed. Birthday passed. Was going to be... first one. Never knew it, growing up. Guess weapons... weren't allowed them. Merlin said, can have party. Don't know how, though. Could use tips.

Want to see everyone. Can meet somewhere, or you... come to Merlin's room. Staying here now, moved stuff already. It's... safer, this way. For my heart.

[That doesn't make a lot of sense out of context though, does it? She sighs and her smile fades, dissolves into a look that's somewhere between uncomfortable and just sad.]

There's a man here, David Cain. My father.

[She's truthful almost all of the time anyway, but this is when it becomes clear she's affected by this flood.]

Don't kill him. He's not... worth your time. Deserves a chance. Bad father, bad man, deserves to die, maybe should die, but... deserves his chance, too. Just leave him alone. Don't want people... getting hurt. Love you all too much.

That's... guess that's all.


Private to Bruce Wayne
Don't anymore, okay? Once is enough.

I love you.



Private to David Cain
Promise still stands. You kill anyone, I kill you.

... Hope this place... works, for you.



Spam for Dean and Barbara, separately
[Some people deserve to see her in person without waiting so she goes to them first, knocks and knocks and knocks on their doors until they open up, let her in. Once they do, they'll have an armful of Cass because there's no stopping her once she sees those faces again.]

Comments

Private;

[anewlanguage]

Do I look like I've been fighting?

[He's a little disgusted to realize that what he's feeling isn't hurt that she's not worried about him, it's disappointment in her that she can't tell he hasn't been fighting back.]

Private;

[hellofist]

[She is, though. She's just holding it in, shoving it down so hard it hurts but letting him in, that would be worse.

She thinks it would be worse. She has no idea what she's doing and that's the worst part.]

No. Looks like, you let him. Like you'll... keep letting them. It won't help. They'll hurt you, I could... hurt you, too. Won't make the real hurt stop.

You have to... do that.

[If it weren't for this flood, she knows she couldn't speak this way to him. She's glad for it now, but later... Well, later will have to be dealt with when it comes.]

Private;

[anewlanguage]

[He just scoffs, glad for some bitterness loneliness to grab hold of.]

Spare me, kid, I got this far without that bogus therapy doll crap.

You've got your life here, and I can't do anything to make you feel better about the rest. I get it. Stop acting like I asked to be brought here; Batman can blame me for being here all he wants but you should know better.

Private;

[hellofist]

What rest? There's no rest, there's you, me, what you did.

I do know better. Know- what you made me? Not my fault. Your sin.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

[He doesn't answer. Doesn't need to. Every flicker of emotion--anger, at himself, and guilt, choking him--will translate to her as clear as a sentence.

Of course it's his sin. It's all he's thought about since the day he first heard her speak. (Her speaking now fills him with such horror, and pride, and self-loathing.)

It's why he's still in the infirmary, where everyone will know where he is and when he gets out so this can start all over again. He's pretty sure the Bat family will get bored with it long before he's ready to ask for someone to intervene.]

Private;

[hellofist]

[She liked this flood at first. She hates it, now. He just sits there and doesn't answer, makes her read him.]

Say something! Can understand it, now, so talk!

[It's like the prison all over. She wants to hit him, keep hitting him until she has some kind of closure, but it's not an option. She tears a hand through her hair, grinds the heel of her hand into her eye and tries to calm down.]

Private;

[anewlanguage]

[He knows what he wants to say, but he won't. He's surprised she's as talkative as she is (he'll figure out later it was the event; he doesn't watch the network much).]

I thought you wanted me to stay away from you.

[But he's asking if that's true. There really are no words to describe how deeply he hopes he was wrong.]

Private;

[hellofist]

[He wants her to want to see him. She reads it off him so easy, he might as well be shouting it at her and that's terrifying. He wants that now, but what about when she was little? What about when she barely came up to his waist and she knew, she knew he would hit her and she still reached for him for hugs, still wanted his love even though she knew it would only be met with pain?

Why is it different now?]

I do. [But the flood tears the truth from her, it comes out even though she wants to keep these things to herself.] Want you... to love me. Always did. But I don't, too. Don't want... anything to do, with you.

It was better... when you were behind glass. Don't know... what to do with this. With having... you here. Wish you weren't, but glad you are.

[The confusion of seeing him is frustrating but the worst part is there's no easy fix for it. Her head is pounding and if she's not careful with what she does with her hands, she's going to rip hair out in her frustration.]

Private;

[anewlanguage]

[He does love her. She's the only thing he does love. But he just clucks his tongue and shrugs on a dismissive demeanor. It doesn't matter if she can see through it.]

I'm in prison. Nothing's changed, except now you work where I'm locked up. I don't plan on being anywhere but my room, so you just go on living your life.

Private;

[hellofist]

Nothing's changed? This was- my place! Home! Everything has changed, now.

[Sometimes when she fights hard, doesn't stop, pushes until her body can't go anymore, she gets sick. She feels that way now, like she might throw up any second. As soon as he says he's planning on hiding away, it makes her sick.

She hates him, she loves him, and even though she wants him locked up, she wants him free too. If he's here, he might as well be free.]

Don't. Hiding won't... fix anything.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

Yeah, it will.

[He knows it won't. But there is no fixing what has happened; he knows that. The best he can offer is staying out of her way.]

Look, if I don't give 'em what they want from me, they'll send me back to Gotham. [Where assassins will take him out, or hunger will.] Then you get your home back.

Private;

[hellofist]

You want to pay? Make up for... what you made?

Stop running. Face it. Letting them kill you, it's... easy way out. Weak.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

What, you want me to stand up now? You'd hate me more if I laid a hand on them and you know it. Hell, I bruised Bruce's knuckles with my face, how d'you feel about that?

Might as well put my name on this cot in the infirm ward, since he's going to do it again. And I'm not gonna stop him. You'd rather it be me than him, Cassandra.

Private;

[hellofist]

Don't tell me... my feelings. They're mine, you don't... know them. Don't know me.

[Even if they are written all over her, she doesn't want to be an open book, not for him.]

Didn't say hurt them. Good fighters... can defend, not hurt.

Bruce won't hurt you. Not anymore.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

Sure he won't.

[He rolls his eyes, losing interest in arguing over it. Someone will kill him--Bruce or one of the other sidekicks. And if they won't, Cain had been doing a damn good job of finishing himself off back home. He's resuming that the second he gets back to his room.]

And if you're right, then me being here doesn't change a thing for you. You won't even see me.

Private;

[hellofist]

[She doesn't want to argue it anymore either. It's just adding to the sick feeling, knowing she wants him to live more than he wants to live. She should want him dead.]

Can keep saying... nothing's changed. It's a lie, every time.

[But there's nothing more to say now and he's done too, she can see it. So she just turns the feed off and sets her communicator aside, just sits and wonders when the numb, shocked feeling will go away.]