Thirteenth Unused Utility Belt | Video

[hellofist]

[Private to the Admiral]
Um... hi? [Do you even do small talk with the Admiral when you have to ask him things? Does he even care if you're polite? Cass has no idea but hey, it can't hurt.] Need Loki to be... restricted. His strength, mostly. Make him... strong as average human. Please.

And, um. Thank you?

[Filtered from Loki]
[Now that that's dealt with, hello barge! Cass is hanging out in the CES today, sitting on a rock so she can get some sun. All that time in the infirmary left her feeling kind of stir crazy, so here she is.]

By now, will have seen... Loki's... whatever that was. Sorry, for him. Would be better if... he'd just bother me. No one else... should have to see that.

But, it's also good. What he wants, it's public. Everyone knows, wants to hurt me. But, he won't attack me. He'll hurt you. Everyone I love, everyone I care about, he'll hurt them.

So, restricted his strength. Which means, most of you? Stronger than him, now. Still, be careful. He's insane, if he wants to hurt, he'll find way. All I ask is... try not to kill him?

That's, um. That's all.

[She waves, then cuts the feed.]


[Private text to Merlin]
<3

Comments

Spam

[hellofist]

[It strikes her then that she doesn't actually know a lot of Merlin's favorite things, which will have to be fixed right now.]

What is it?

[Hopefully it's not too terribly obvious she's asking half so she can learn how to make it for him at some point.]

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[It's, well, he can guess. But that's no reason not to tell her.]

Apple cake. I never had anything like it back in Ealdor, all our flour went on bread and we didn't really have anything sweet. In Camelot it was like...I don't know. Being able to eat things like that, even if it was once in a while, made me feel...safe.

[He would struggle to describe the sense of security he associates with indulgence to someone like Arthur, who he knows has never lived a marginal life where a harsh winter after a wet summer means you have no choice but to go hungry. But he knows he doesn't need to struggle with Cassandra. She'll understand.]

Spam

[hellofist]

[There's so many reasons why Cass likes Merlin that she's lost track of them all, the list is just too long, but it's things like this, the glaring similarities, that remind her of why it's so easy to be near him. She can see it when his body relates food to security even as he's saying it, but the best part is she sees him connecting it to her too. The way he can say something like that without it sounding like he wanted pity, it's a kind of trust she knows doesn't come along often.]

Still remember... first time, ordered food. Just... called someone, asked for pizza. They brought it. [She shakes her head and the sense of wonder she felt at the time is reflected on her face now. It's still something of a miracle, to her.] Was like magic.

Re: Spam

[takeyouapart]

[Merlin smiles.]

I'll have to try that the next time we're at another port like London.

[He's been to restaurants, but having someone actually bring the food to you regardless of where you are seems like a very different sort of deal.]

Spam

[hellofist]

[Her sigh is wistful and pained all at once.]

Won't be better port, than that one. Trees are great, but buildings? [She's getting dangerously close to pouting here.] Way more fun. Feels like flying, when you jump.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

I've tried not to go jumping off buildings, so I wouldn't know.

[He half-smiles.]

We've been to other ports like that. One of my first was...[He pauses, struggling with the effort of remembering.] New York. And we went to Paris as well. So I don't see why there won't be another one.

Spam

[hellofist]

Don't know... what you're missing. But, you were dragon, once. Guess you know... what flying feels like. Don't have to... jump off stuff.

[They've never really talked much about the things that Merlin saw before Cass arrived on the Barge, on the things she's missed out on. Cass isn't really sure if that makes those things off limits to talk about, but if he brings it up it must be fine, right?]

What happened? Were they... calm, like London?

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[Merlin is obviously a little wrong-footed by the question, struggling to see the pre-Christmas rush of a ten-million-strong capital city as 'calm'. Then again, she's probably saying 'calm' to mean 'disaster-free'.]

I...I don't really remember. I think so.

Re: Spam

[hellofist]

[Not to mention the fact that those few days were probably the happiest she's ever been in her life.]

As long as it's... not like Overlook. Morgana said, we could shop... if there was right port. She thinks... I need jewelry.

[Of course that was before she left and came back all crazypants but Cass is still holding out for the chance to do entirely frivolous things with her just because they can, just to see Morgana doing something fun.]

Spam

[takeyouapart]

You'd look beautiful no matter what. [He smiles faintly.] But you should have things that are beautiful, too. You deserve them.

Spam

[hellofist]

[Cass blushes and ducks her head. It's not the first time he's said it, but it's still not something Cass is used to. She probably never will get used to hearing it, either.]

Not used to... having things like that. Things with... no use. [Or things that can't be used in fights.] Never had jewelry before. Don't even... have ears pierced.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

Well, that makes two of us. Then again, it's not as if I can draw any more atention to my ears. [He scratches at the back of his head for a moment, and his easy smile fades.] Morgana, she...how does she cope, with the two of us being friends?

Spam

[hellofist]

Ignores it, mostly. Knows I care about you, wants me... to be happy. Think she gets... confused, by it. By how I like you, how I'm... friends with Arthur, but her too.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

That's what growing up in Camelot does to someone. Growing up under Uther. Nothing could be the least bit grey or flexible. The few people who learnt about my magic...hardly any of them understood how I could be loyal to Arthur. I don't think she would have done, either.

Spam

[hellofist]

[Cass makes a face.]

Want you to... do something, for me. If Uther comes here? Tell me. Really want to hit him.

How do... you cope? With me and Morgana... being close?

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[He doesn't really respond to her request regarding Uther. If he ever does come to the Barge, Merlin doesn't doubt he'll waste no time in making his presence known.]

I hope that whatever she feels for you is more important to her than her hatred for Arthur and I.

Spam

[hellofist]

[That doesn't really say much about what Merlin's opinions are on her being friends with Morgana, but there's really no reason to push for specifics. She was just curious and if he doesn't want to say, she probably doesn't want to hear it.]

Has been so far. [And no one has asked her to choose sides so far either, so Cass considers the whole thing to be going well.]

You know... you promised me something, but never... made it happen.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[For better or for worse, that is his opinion on Cass being friends with Morgana. He can't find it in himself to feel much of anything on Morgana's behalf - that ended with her blood on his hands, her body in his arms. He fears that Morgana will cease to see Cassandra as a friend and start to see her as a weapon to use against him or Arthur, and that's it, really.]

...I did? What was it?

Spam

[hellofist]

Said you'd be Dragoon.

[The reasons why that hasn't happened yet are obvious, of course. Arthur's gone, there have been other much more important things to deal with, there had been mutual avoidance, but things seem better now. It's a good chance to lighten the mood a little and Cass just wants to see Merlin smile again.]

Spam

[takeyouapart]

I did.

[Less than two weeks ago, in fact, though Arthur's disappearance makes it feel infinitely longer. He even had the potions ready, he'd been waiting for a good time to use it, and then - and then.

Things are better now, but it's still tenuous. There's so much wrapped up with his older self that it's not a body he wants to wear. Not right now. And as much as he'd just like to do it to indulge Cassandra and distract himself until the forced jollity becomes real, he knows she won't let him do something he doesn't strictly want to.

After years of deception, sometimes being unable to lie to her makes him feel strangely vulnerable and exhausted.]

And I will. I won't break my promise to you.

[He can at least be ambiguous about the 'when'.]

Spam

[hellofist]

[She's seen what it looks like when patience and tolerance for her abilities run out. Not everyone can find a way to be okay with the fact that there aren't any secrets from Cass, that she can't just turn off her ability to read them when it might really count. It's part of why she didn't have friends before she came to the barge, seeing people decide she was too intrusive and start hating her was too painful.

That isn't what's happening now, but Cass isn't willing to take any chances, not with Merlin. Not when he means more to her than anyone ever has before. She can see she's making him tired and her first instinct is to just go, to leave him be, but that feels too much like running away.

Instead she uses reaching for the tea as an excuse to take her attention off of him, if she isn't looking at him she can't read him.]

Know you won't. But, don't really have... to do that, the spell. It's okay.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[It's not okay. It doesn't feel okay. And he'd bet all his worldly possessions that she's not thirsty and just wants an excuse not to look at him for a little while, because he's betrayed something she didn't want to see in him. It's her way of offering him distance but that's not what he wants. He wants her to be close to him, he wants her to see into him until his defences burn down and he can be comfortable in his honesty like he's never been able to his whole life, he just -- ]

Would you like to move back into my room?

[He blurts it out, pauses half a moment, and continues more haltingly.]

You said that you - wanted that.

[To sleep by him. And he refuses to question why that's within bounds but words like dating aren't, yet.]

Spam

[hellofist]

[She's not looking, so of course it surprises her when he asks. She even almost drops the tea, but manages to save it at the last second. She's pretty sure Alfred would find a way to get to the Barge just to give her a stern talking to if she wasted tea that way, but Alfred isn't exactly the thing that's on her mind right now.]

Well... bed is more comfortable... than the cot.

[That has nothing to do with it, she's been perfectly fine on the cot and she could continue to be perfectly comfortable there forever, she just hasn't quite found the right words to respond to his question yet.]

You... know the answer. Do you want that?

Spam

[takeyouapart]

Yes. I wouldn't ask, if I didn't.

[It's completely honest, and that's a relief.]

Spam

[hellofist]

[She nods, smiles as she does and reaches out for his hand.]

Do want to. Miss being close to you. Slept better... with you there.