Ninteenth Unused Utility Belt | Video, backdated to after the breach ends (cw: fire damage)

[hellofist]

[The feed comes on to show Cass... well, she kind of looks like crap. But more than that, behind her her room, her real room on the Barge, seems to be confused about what it wants to be. In some places it's a replication of what Merlin's room looks like - there's his bed in one corner, a large wooden table with a red rose in a pot, for example.

Other parts are what the inside of a burned down building would look like. There's smoke damage, blackened walls, the remains of a dresser. The big computer is halfway melted and warped, the screen cracked and beyond repair. Looks like the Barge couldn't recreate what home is for Cass because she doesn't even know herself anymore.]

I'm back.

[There's not... that much to say after that, really. She's back, yay, no she doesn't want to talk about it.]

It was... about a week? I think. Learned... lots of things. About me, about... what I'm for. Why I... was made. It's funny, how you can... be so sure, who you are, but be... completely wrong.

Anyway. Back.


[Private to Merlin]
Are you... working? Or in room?


[Private to Dean, Chris, and Cassel, sent separately]
Have... to give you something. Can I come over?


[Private to Stephanie]
I understand, now. Why... I'm not Batgirl. Why you are. I didn't really, before. But... I'm glad you are.


[Private to Kon]
[After far too long passes with no answer to Steph, Kon gets a slightly panicked message from Cass.]

Where is Stephanie?


[Private to Dick Grayson and Tim Drake]
I know... that you won't see this. You can't. I just miss you. I shouldn't, but I wish... you were here.

Comments

spam

[patheticvillain]

Because I didn't believe him.

[The answer comes instantly - but no, that's not right, and he knows it. It's not that he didn't believe him. It's that he didn't want to. He hadn't wanted to think Cass would hurt Loki, because maybe, if there was just one good person here . . . ]

I didn't - want to believe him. Not about that, anyway.

I didn't think you were lying to me about what kind of person you were, I guess.

spam

[hellofist]

Was it about... him in Zero twice?

[She really had hoped that anyone who saw that would trust her, know her well enough to know Loki was framing it wrong, in the best way to hurt her. Maybe she should have made some public statement, but she chose not to. Even now she's not unhappy with that decision, but... well, it would have been good for Cassel to know before now, she sees.]

spam

[patheticvillain]

Honest? I don't know what it was about. He was angry. I was angry, too. Somebody hurt me, and I wanted to hurt somebody else back.

[He half-shrugs and looks away, back at the surface of the desk, like it excuses this.]

But I didn't want to believe you'd do anything bad to him, so I believed it about Steph instead.

spam

[hellofist]

[There's a long stretch of silence while she considers this, what it means. Loki had hid this plot well, if that's what it was. An attempt to hurt Cass by hurting people she cared about, it seems.

There's only one set of shoulders for the blame to be placed on and it's Loki's, not Cassel's.]

He tricks everyone. Lies to everyone. It's not your fault.

spam

[patheticvillain]

I think there's a lot of it that's my fault. He didn't trick me really. He just told me what he knew I wanted to hear, knowing I'd lash out.

We're not so different, him and me. He was angry like I am.

[He still feels guilty about this, but it's clear that he believes it, too. That it's as true, and that on some level he's proud for knowing it's true. This is one of the first things he was able to take responsibility for. He took responsibility in Zero, and he's doing it again now.]

[He doesn't want anyone to take that away from him.]

spam

[hellofist]

Sounds like tricking, to me. Manipulation. He knew... you needed a push, wanted one, so he gave it. Doesn't excuse you, but blame rests... with him too.

spam

[patheticvillain]

Well.

[He grins weakly, shoving his hands in his pockets.]

That's better than you trying to act like none of it was my fault, anyway. It's a start.

I missed you, too.

spam

[hellofist]

[She steps in closer, reaching up to put a hand on his shoulder.]

Going to hug you, now. Ready?

spam

[patheticvillain]

[It's easier if he initiates it. The touch surprises him, not much, but enough so he knows to be careful. He's strange and finicky sometimes. But he wants to hug her.]

[So he just does, reaches out and pulls her close like she's a breakable thing, tucking his chin onto her shoulder.]

Ready.

spam

[hellofist]

[With a sigh, Cass puts her arms around Cassel and hugs him back, tighter than he's holding her because she can take it and it's better when it's closer.]

Good.

[She ducks her head and closes her eyes, listening to Cassel's heartbeat and just not reading him for a few long moments.]

spam

[patheticvillain]

[Cass has never felt like a threat to him. It's unusual, but he's learned to accept it, that she's someone who hasn't had to earn his trust but whom he trusts implicitly. Something about her - she's not normal, but she's also not broken in the same way he is. Maybe they can help each other.]

[He holds her tightly, wanting to keep her away from that room and whatever happened at home for as long as he can.]

spam

[hellofist]

[He really does feel like family now, holding her protectively like this. He did before a little because of how close he was to Chris, because of the similarities she saw in him, but the breach has only amplified them. She doesn't really want to let go, now.]

You've opened door, now. One hug means... more will happen.

spam

[patheticvillain]

I'm okay with that.

[Which he says into her shoulder and is barely intelligible. But really, he's okay.]

You're allowed to hug me now. [He's decided.]

spam

[hellofist]

[He doesn't have to say it out loud at all, really. She can tell even without reading him. Stroking his hair, she kisses the side of his head and gives him another squeeze. It's the people who don't hug, who aren't affectionate, that usually need it the most, so she's perfectly willing to give it.]

spam

[patheticvillain]

[He pulls away eventually, not out of discomfort but embarrassment. He's still not used enough to this to be able to treat it as normal. But he's getting there.]

You were a good sister.

spam

[hellofist]

[Hey look, is that a tiny smile trying to make its way onto her face? Sure is.]

Still can be.

spam

[patheticvillain]

[He looks thoughtful.]

I never had one before.

spam

[hellofist]

[She hadn't had siblings either, until she'd gone home and learned the truth. At least having Cassel as one felt good.]

First time for everything.

spam

[patheticvillain]

Yeah.

[He hugs her again, briefly and tightly.]

It's weird, having family here. It's better.

spam

[hellofist]

[She wants to keep him close, but she'll let him go when he wants to go.]

Always here for you, Cassel. No matter what.

[Being dead, everything that happened, it's changed a lot. There's blankness in her in places that used to be happy, the parts that smiled don't seem to remember how anymore, the humor that was never very refined is subdued, but one thing hasn't changed. One thing, she thinks, will never go away.]

I love you, you know.

spam

[patheticvillain]

[He, in turn, wants to make her smile. He wants to make her happy. But he's not very good at it.]

[He bows his head and pulls away.]

I know.

I don't - know if I love you. But I think so.

spam

[hellofist]

[It's enough that he even wants to try, and to Cass that looks like that love.]

If you ever... want to know? Could read you, tell you. But, pretty sure... you'll figure it out.

[She touches his cheek, very gentle.]

Very smart, Cassel.

spam

[patheticvillain]

[He nods.]

I'll figure it out. [He's figuring so much out, lately.]

And I'll try to be smarter.

spam

[hellofist]

You will.

[And he may even be surprised by how long he's been doing it without realizing it.]

I'm... glad you were here. For Chris.

spam

[patheticvillain]

[Whatever tension was left in him slips away at this. He's glad, too. Pleased that she's glad. Most of all, that he was able to help even a little bit. He grins.]

Yeah. Me too.