hellofist. Twentieth Unused Utility Belt | Video, voice, possibly spam

[For anyone who was on the Barge for Christmas, this sight might be a familar one. Cass, alone in a bed in a blank room. No tears this time, just a haunted, lost kind of expression.]

Merlin is gone.

[She opens her mouth to say something else, but nothing comes. What is she supposed to say? That the person she loves most in the entire world is just gone and she didn't get to say goodbye? That she's terrified because she might not ever get to see him again? That she's sorry maybe, for all the people who love him and won't see him either. She switches the feed to just audio because it's easier that way.]

He might come back. He... did last time. Didn't remember things, but... he was back. That was... was what counted. So I guess... we just wait.

[She can do that. She can focus on him coming back, she has to.]

That's... that's all.

[Now things cut off completely. Should anyone happen to be passing by Merlin's now empty room, it might be possible to hear crying inside. Looks like she didn't manage to keep it together after all.]

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Flat. Top-Level Comments Only

Posted by

youwillgotohell

What counts is that he left.

[And she is so hideously torn over that, wants to be glad he's gone and hope it's for good - but as far as she's concerned, he left of his own free will, and she still can't. It's the last thing he was capable of that she wasn't, and she's not interested in protecting Cass from that anger.]

Posted by

hellofist

[Cass is torn, too. She knows that as bad as this is for some, as sad as it is, for Morgana it must be a blessing. It's never been particularly easy to balance a friendship with Morgana and a relationship with Merlin, but this is new.

Not entirely unexpected, though.]

Yes. In... different ways, for us. Will things be easier, now?

Posted by

youwillgotohell

[She snorts at that, derisive; she hasn't spoken to Merlin in months, has done her best to forget he was here (not that she could), but she's so angry that he's gone now.]

Sure. They'll be easier with him gone. [With him off living somewhere. It feels like a slap in the face: her killer goes free, and she doesn't even know if he ever asked the Admiral to save Aithusa.]

Posted by

hellofist

[Even though she can't see it, Cass nods. This reaction makes sense.]

What will you do?

Posted by

youwillgotohell

Throw a party. [Be horribly bitter and stew or something, more like.]

Posted by

lastincident

[ A dim selfish part of Bruce realizes he's going to just have to move in to the infirmary at this point. ]

[ The other selfish part of Bruce liked Merlin and dammmit, he's sad he's gone. ]

Thank you for letting us know.

Posted by

hellofist

I can help, there... Can't- do magic, but know basics. If you... need help.

Posted by

lastincident

Don't trouble yourself. We've got staff.

[ says the only fulltime medical staff and the last doctor on the entire barge ]

Posted by

hellofist

[She visited Merlin enough during his shifts to know that isn't exactly true, but it's also true she's not exactly trained to do more than sew up wounds or treat the typical injuries that one might sustain while working as a vigilante. Still, some help is better than none, isn't it?]

Let me know... if that changes.

Posted by

lastincident

Of course.

Posted by

patheticvillain

[Before he comes over, he makes a small pin, like the one they had in breach. It has a bat on it, in the style it did then, archaic and made of metal.]

[When he gets to Cass's door, he doesn't knock. He just slides the pin under the door.]

[Let him in.]

Posted by

hellofist

[The sound draws her attention, has her getting up to check what it is that someone would slip under a door.

And there's only one person who would do this, give her this. So she opens the door and reaches for his hand, to pull him inside.]

Posted by

patheticvillain

[He doesn't hesitate; once he's inside, he hugs her tightly in a way that he would never have dared to months ago. He doesn't know what he'd do in her situation, doesn't have any platitudes that'll make this better, so he doesn't say anything. He just holds her.]

Posted by

hellofist

[First Stephanie, now this? It's so much to have to try to wrap her head around, two of the most important people of her life just gone without a trace. She feels empty, like losing them has taken something out of her.

She ducks her head against Cassel's chest and hugs him a little too tightly. She can be vulnerable with him, it's allowed.]

Thank you.

[She doesn't really want to be by herself right now.]

Posted by

patheticvillain

You don't have to thank me.

[He lets his chin rest on the top of her head and pulls her close.]

You shouldn't have to thank family for loving you.

Posted by

hellofist

[Somehow, as bleak as all of this feels, that helps. The pin is clenched in her hand hard enough the the symbol will likely be embedded there for the next day, but that helps too.]

Thanking you... for being here.

Posted by

patheticvillain

[At that, he nods, slowly and hesitantly.]

'Kay. Then you're welcome.

I don't really want to leave you alone right now.

Posted by

surfaceshine

[Dean doesn't happen to be passing by Merlin's empty room. He goes there instead of responding, knowing full well what he'll find. The mask is easy to keep up when people are watching, but he's not surprised to hear what he does.

He doesn't knock, either. He lets his hand rattle the knob, says,] It's me, Cass. [through the door, and then walks through it.]

Posted by

hellofist

[She's still there on the bed, knees drawn up and her arms resting on them, head dropped down on her arms. When she hears Dean's voice she looks over to him, eyes red and cheeks wet with tears.]

Hi, Dean.

Posted by

surfaceshine

Hey.

[His voice is low but he smiles at her, not his bold brassy one he wears for the world, but a smaller, gentler one that only his people get from him. Dean doesn't try to make any jokes. He just crosses the floor and sits down on the edge of the bed within reach of her, glancing across at her.]

I'm sorry.

Posted by

hellofist

[Cass scoots over to him, leaning up against his side. He'll understand this, after losing Buffy. The empty parts, the confusion. What do you do after you lose someone you probably were never meant to have in the first place?]

He... might come back.

[She doesn't sound like she believes it, though.]

Posted by

surfaceshine

[Dean lifts his arm to make room for her beside him, drops it back down around her and squeezes protectively. He does understand all of that, keenly, though he pointedly doesn't think about it as a rule. He also understands the belief that only goes surface deep.]

Yeah. People do that. Or... you could maybe go see him. [Though he understands why she might not. Chances are equal whether or not he would remember her, or be like with Buffy, whose life had had no place for Dean outside of the Barge. Not really.] It still sucks.

Posted by

hellofist

Can't leave. Not until... I know I'm done, here. And I'm not.

[And she promised Chris, she won't leave while he's still here. She won't risk abandoning the people that need her. She turns into him and wraps both arms around him, face against his chest as she holds on tightly.]

Sucks a lot.

Posted by

surfaceshine

I know.

[And he does. He's left the Barge twice now but not for anything less than absolutely necessary reasons, and he'd waited until Kon graduated to check on Buffy that first time. The second time had been about Sam and, well. He's here for Sam. Nothing means anything if not for him.

Well. Not nothing. He tilts his head until he can lay his cheek on her hair, uncharacteristically gentle, and lets her hold on. His voice is low, a rumble in his chest more than anything, when he speaks after several long moments.]

I could... change my deal, you know. If you need to anyway.

Posted by

hellofist

No, Dean.

[Her voice is gentle, but firm. She won't let him do that.]

Can make own deal. I have... other things, though. Things that come... before me.

[Arthur and Guinevere, saving her siblings from Cain's teachings. It will be impossible to ever forget, all she'll ever have to do is remember Mad Dog and how desperately he wanted her to see him, see him for what he was because of her father. She gives him a squeeze, trying to use him as a lifeline to keep her head above water, to not drown in how horrible this loss feels.]

Tell something good. Something happy, that you have.

Posted by

surfaceshine

[He hadn't really expected it to fly, but he needed to make the offer anyway. Dean nods, and responds to her squeeze by tightening his own grip, intent on keeping her with him however he can.

Then she asks him that and he thinks, selfishly, that it's a good thing her eyes are closed. It's bad timing. He's not full of good things right now, fresh off the semi-loss of the thing - the person - that was making him happiest. But that ship hasn't sailed yet, there's still time to fix it, and for once that ball is in his court.

He pushes all of that away and picks something else, rubbing a hand idly up and down her arm.]

You know I've never been on a vacation? I mean, yeah, we took breaks and stuff sometimes but it was never like what happened in L.A. That was nice. I never liked that city much before...

The hotel room was nice. Beaches. Shittons of food. Didn't have to dodge the cops or anything. It was just... nice.

Posted by

inexactitude

[Someone is definitely just shouting FUCK into her room. :c]

Hey, um-- [It's harder, this time, because she didn't know Cass when she disappeared, but she knows Merlin and this. Sucks.]

Do you - want some company? Or, I dunno. We could do something. If you want.

Posted by

hellofist

[It sucks so much. Just so, so much.]

Would like either. Still next door.

[Moving herself out of Merlin's room is something she can't even think about yet.]

Posted by

fridgetothefire

[She shows up a little early for their regular training, with fudge brownies. Because, damnit.]

You're allowed to be a mess about it, you know. I mean, you're right, and I'm all for hoping. But it's still awful and you don't - have to be strong about everything.

[Everything about her is soft big-sister curves of motion, like she wants to sweep Cass into her lap and stroke her hair, because she does. She remembers when Wanda was still young enough to be hurt - though never surprised - by Magneto's coldness, and all those instincts are bubbling back up.]