Tenth Unused Utility Belt | Video

[hellofist]

People keep showing up, with memories... that don't match up. Happening a lot, lately. Guess it happens... all the time, but... seems like more, now.

[Cass stops a second, not looking into the feed but at something past the comm, jaw clenching and relaxing as she thinks.]

Know I did... something. Or... something happened, to me. Made me... someone people don't like? Or are scared of. Don't know.

[It's a little terrifying, to talk to Tim and see him be relieved she's not whatever she becomes in his future.]

I guess, want advice. Want to know... if you did something... bad, or wrong, would you... want to know? Want someone... to tell you, so you could stop? Or just... let it happen, hope you... do right things?

Comments

[youwillgotohell]

Knowing what's to come helps nothing, Cassandra, believe me. [The future's haunted her since childhood, she would trade that gift in a heartbeat, still.]

[hellofist]

But what if it meant... saving lives? Stopping people I love... from being hurt?

[youwillgotohell]

You can't change the future.

[hellofist]

Shouldn't I try? If I just... let it happen, it's still my fault.

[youwillgotohell]

I've tried. Nothing's changed.

[hellofist]

[The way she says it, so bleak and with no room to argue, makes Cass want to cry.]

Where are you?

[She's coming to hug you. No arguments.]

[youwillgotohell]

[No why hugs are. things she doesn't do often anymore B(]

My room. Why?

[hellofist]

Want to see you. Can I come?

[You know, for the hugs. And she doesn't even usually ask, but she hasn't been feeling all that sure of herself lately.]

[youwillgotohell]

Yes. [She has no reason to say no, but she doesn't know why Cass wants to see her, either. Friendship is confusing okay]

[hellofist]

[That's just because your friendships lately haven't been very good ones. Cass says goodbye and turns her comm off and it's not long before she's knocking on Morgana's door, ready to hug.

She's known for the longest time Morgana needed friendship, someone to care about her, but it seems even more necessary now, after this conversation.]

[youwillgotohell]

[She's confused Cass, wasn't this post about your feelings. At the knock, she rises from her seat and opens the door, stepping aside so that Cassandra can come in. But she's still curious, because she doesn't know why Cassandra felt the need to come over. Or rather, she doesn't know what she could possibly do for Cassandra to make her want to come.]

[hellofist]

[It was, but Cassandra constantly puts other people's feelings, their well-being, ahead of her own. It's easier to ignore her own issues and try to comfort other people. She comes in, but promptly gives Morgana a hug, chin resting on her shoulder lightly.]

I'm sorry. I wish... you were happy.

[youwillgotohell]

[Oh. That - oh. It almost startles her, but her hands come up automatically to settle against Cassandra's back. The confusion is on her face, though Cass can't see it, and she takes a breath to ask what this is about when Cass speaks.

And oh. What does she say to that? She doesn't know, so she returns the hug, just for a moment or two, before pulling back.]

Sorry for what?

[hellofist]

[She couldn't see her face, but once they're apart she sees it in her body language.]

That you're not. Happy. That... more people don't hug you. That you feel alone.

You're not, though.

[youwillgotohell]

[Nnnnnnnope, can she nope out of this conversation? She'd like to. Morgana drops her arms back to her sides and stands a little straighter, turning to head for the little table. There's a tea set there.]

Would you like tea? [Yeah she noped into another conversation. B(]

[hellofist]

[If it's not something Morgana wants to hear right now, Cass will let it slide, but only for now. At least the fact that there are people who care about her is out there and it's enough for right now.]

Yes. Always like tea.

[youwillgotohell]

[She sobbed at Charles for telling her the same not too long ago, and she is not ready for another go at that kind of emotional breakdown. And not with Cassandra; Morgana likes her, but it's still hard for her to trust people, or let them in.

So she nods, and goes to the set, pouring a cup for Cassandra; she already has one.]

Here. Did you decide?

[hellofist]

[Cass curls her fingers around the cup and holds on, letting the warmth from it seep into her.]

I think... I kill people. Swore I'd never... do that, ever again.

[youwillgotohell]

Death is part of life. [She picks up her own cup, sipping and nonchalant. How many deaths are on her hands? She doesn't know. She doesn't really care. That's war.]

Knowing for certain won't be better.

[hellofist]

No. It won't. Will only make me... worry, forever.

[And she hates that idea. She doesn't want to spend the rest of her life waiting and watching for the signs of what she'll do, dreading each day because it might be the one where everything goes wrong.]

Spent entire childhood, becoming something... bad. Made into a killer. Don't want that. Want to do good things.

[youwillgotohell]

I thought you did do good things. [The fighting at home, the saving people - that's what Cassandra said she did. And Morgana has a difficult time seeing her as a killer. She gestures to the table and its chairs, taking her seat, back to the fireplace.]

[hellofist]

Yes. Try to. [She scoots one of the chairs so it's closer to Morgana's and sits.] Want to keep doing good things. I just... don't think I did. The... future me.

I won't do... what she did.

[youwillgotohell]

[Morgana glances at the chair when Cass movies it closer, but she doesn't move away. She lifts her tea, and leans forward with her elbows on the table because fuck etiquette when you live in the woods and a prison ship.]

Easy enough to say. [But that was...harsher than she meant to be.] The future isn't easy to change. Maybe you'll have your reasons.

[hellofist]

[It might be harsh, but that doesn't make it any less true. Cass just nods.]

Maybe. But... don't like feeling, can't change things. That it's... set in stone, doesn't matter... what I do. Want to believe, my choices matter.

What's the point, if... they don't?

[youwillgotohell]

I don't know. [It's the only honest answer she can give about the future. She dreams, and rails against what will come, and it comes anyway. That's how it's been, her whole life; what she sees passes, and either seeing it causes her to act so that it will happen, or it will happen anyway.

Dwelling on it has never been pleasant.]

Maybe your choices do matter. [But she isn't certain how much she believes that.]