Thirteenth Unused Utility Belt | Video

[hellofist]

[Private to the Admiral]
Um... hi? [Do you even do small talk with the Admiral when you have to ask him things? Does he even care if you're polite? Cass has no idea but hey, it can't hurt.] Need Loki to be... restricted. His strength, mostly. Make him... strong as average human. Please.

And, um. Thank you?

[Filtered from Loki]
[Now that that's dealt with, hello barge! Cass is hanging out in the CES today, sitting on a rock so she can get some sun. All that time in the infirmary left her feeling kind of stir crazy, so here she is.]

By now, will have seen... Loki's... whatever that was. Sorry, for him. Would be better if... he'd just bother me. No one else... should have to see that.

But, it's also good. What he wants, it's public. Everyone knows, wants to hurt me. But, he won't attack me. He'll hurt you. Everyone I love, everyone I care about, he'll hurt them.

So, restricted his strength. Which means, most of you? Stronger than him, now. Still, be careful. He's insane, if he wants to hurt, he'll find way. All I ask is... try not to kill him?

That's, um. That's all.

[She waves, then cuts the feed.]


[Private text to Merlin]
<3

Comments

Spam

[hellofist]

[She nods. She'd heard some incredibly unexpected things, which was new, so it's hard to forget it.]

Yes, I remember.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[A nod.]

I was...Chromie was influenced, and when I told her so she said she didn't think she was dishonest, usually. I said I thought that she just tries to give the impression she's mortal when she isn't, and she...she told me I would understand, because I do the same thing.

Spam

[hellofist]

[It's hard to parse that at first, to work out exactly what he means, because it doesn't make sense. Merlin pretends to be mortal? Since when? He has the part of him inside that makes him a Dragonlord, but that isn't really hidden. Everyone saw he was a dragon on the inside during the animal breach, it just meant a little extra for him than it did for everyone else.

Not being mortal is different, though. Now that she has something to look for, she can almost see it. Under the Dragonlord part, or existing alongside it, there's always been something else. The part that made him magic, she had assumed. Maybe it does that and more.]

Was it true? Or just... something she believed?

Spam

[takeyouapart]

I wasn't pretending. I didn't know. It's - the name the druids call me, Emrys, that's what it means. Immortal. I didn't think it was meant so...so literally.

Spam

[hellofist]

Emrys.

[It's her first time hearing that name, so she repeats it quietly like if she says it now, all of this will make more sense to her.

Mortal is a word she's more used to hearing put with wounds, something you can die from. If he's immortal-]

You can't die.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

I can. I have, here on the Barge, by Morgana's hand. But not of old age. If I take care of myself, then I'll just...keep going.

Spam

[hellofist]

[It's times like this Cass wishes she were smarter, that she knew what words really meant instead of guessing. She's frowning now, but it's only because she's frustrated with herself.

That, and hearing that Morgana killed him at some point.]

Could see that... something was different, in you. Not just the... dragon parts.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[Don't worry, Cass, 'immortal' is a pretty flexible word. Sometimes it includes invulnerability, sometimes it doesn't.

Merlin smiles weakly at that.]

I suppose you just thought it was my charming personality.

Spam

[hellofist]

[She smiles back at him softly, leaves the tea sitting on the rock so she can reach for his hand again.]

Or just really big ego. [Which makes her smile again because there's nothing less true.]

What I said, about... people being things to lose, about- not cutting off, to avoid getting hurt... Is that... what's been wrong?

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[His hand curls around hers without anything much in the way of conscious input.]

Something like that. I...

[He looks up at the clouds overhead.]

It's never been easy to think about my future, but now it's...unimaginable.

Spam

[hellofist]

[That makes sense. How can you plan for something, prepare to face it, when it will never come? How do you learn to wait forever?]

I can... kind of understand. At home, people like me... don't live long. We know, with our work, we won't last. Have to... make that work, somehow. Cherish what we have, while we can.

Not exactly... the same for you. I know. And... I'm sorry, you have to do this. Deal with it, after... everything else.

[That's all she has, though. The tiniest bit of understanding because she's been there too, sympathy for what he's going through. It sounds hollow and useless even as she says it, but she has to say something. He's right, he can't read her. She could hug him as tightly as she could and try to show him with her body language she's here if he needs to lean on her, but that's not how he communicates.]

Re: Spam

[takeyouapart]

[Cherish what we have, while we can.

The words resonate in him. Because they're true, aren't they? Whether you're the one who's leaving or the one who's left, the encounters with the people your own life touches will be...fleeting. And as much as it frightens him to hear Cass talk about the brevity of her own life, he knows that can't be a reason to turn away from her.

He can't afford to be callous. To cut every tie and feel himself fall away. What use will he ever be - to Arthur, to Albion, to any purpose - if he forgets his humanity?

He squeezes her hand.]

It'll be alright.

[And for once he almost means it.]

Spam

[hellofist]

Takes time, to adjust. I think, after we figure it out... life seems less important, for heroes. We see, time is limited. So, what's the point? Why make friends, we'll just lose them. Make them sad, when we die. Why learn things, go places, enjoy life, when it's... just gonna stop?

[She's never told him about the gang wars in Gotham, but she knows there was a time the barge went there. Maybe he saw it then, the mess that city could be. How dangerous, how it could turn on the very people protecting it in the blink of an eye.]

Before I came here, there was... a big war, in Gotham. Lots of people died. Stephanie - she was Spoiler, then - she was... captured. Killed. That's what... they told us. But she didn't die. She left. She couldn't... do it anymore. So she ran away. Let everyone think she... was dead. I didn't even know, til here. Found her again here, alive.

Talking to her... might help? Would say, talk to Tim, but... [But he's gone. Bruce isn't an option, neither is Selina if she's going around demanding to know what Merlin's intentions are in the most hostile of ways. Dick could be, but with Tim gone she thinks talking about the super hero game might not be something he's actually up for.] Maybe Superman? Or Kon. Wade doesn't die, either. Except... tried to kill you. Maybe not him.

[She frowns. The list of people Merlin could feasibly talk to about this kind of thing is woefully short.]

Point is, not alone. There's always... something, to make us see. To find point again. Just have to find it. [Smiling at him, she squeezes his hand back.] We can help you.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[Merlin smiles. He didn't need any of it, but it was good to hear nonetheless.]

You already have.

Spam

[hellofist]

[Her head cocks to the side at that, a look of surprise on her face. That was fast.]

That easy, huh?

Spam

[takeyouapart]

No. Not that easy. But it's a place to start, and that's more than I had before.

Spam

[hellofist]

Well, here.

[She grabs for the flask of tea and hands it over to him.]

Alfred gave tea, after we did... something hard. Or had bad day. You're one of us, now. Have to have tea. [There's a short, thoughtful pause.] Might be rule.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[He smiles faintly at that and accepts the flask, taking a long sip.]

I understand. If I had to go out to do something dangerous, Gaius would always make sure we had some of my favourite food when I got home.

Spam

[hellofist]

[It strikes her then that she doesn't actually know a lot of Merlin's favorite things, which will have to be fixed right now.]

What is it?

[Hopefully it's not too terribly obvious she's asking half so she can learn how to make it for him at some point.]

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[It's, well, he can guess. But that's no reason not to tell her.]

Apple cake. I never had anything like it back in Ealdor, all our flour went on bread and we didn't really have anything sweet. In Camelot it was like...I don't know. Being able to eat things like that, even if it was once in a while, made me feel...safe.

[He would struggle to describe the sense of security he associates with indulgence to someone like Arthur, who he knows has never lived a marginal life where a harsh winter after a wet summer means you have no choice but to go hungry. But he knows he doesn't need to struggle with Cassandra. She'll understand.]

Spam

[hellofist]

[There's so many reasons why Cass likes Merlin that she's lost track of them all, the list is just too long, but it's things like this, the glaring similarities, that remind her of why it's so easy to be near him. She can see it when his body relates food to security even as he's saying it, but the best part is she sees him connecting it to her too. The way he can say something like that without it sounding like he wanted pity, it's a kind of trust she knows doesn't come along often.]

Still remember... first time, ordered food. Just... called someone, asked for pizza. They brought it. [She shakes her head and the sense of wonder she felt at the time is reflected on her face now. It's still something of a miracle, to her.] Was like magic.

Re: Spam

[takeyouapart]

[Merlin smiles.]

I'll have to try that the next time we're at another port like London.

[He's been to restaurants, but having someone actually bring the food to you regardless of where you are seems like a very different sort of deal.]

Spam

[hellofist]

[Her sigh is wistful and pained all at once.]

Won't be better port, than that one. Trees are great, but buildings? [She's getting dangerously close to pouting here.] Way more fun. Feels like flying, when you jump.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

I've tried not to go jumping off buildings, so I wouldn't know.

[He half-smiles.]

We've been to other ports like that. One of my first was...[He pauses, struggling with the effort of remembering.] New York. And we went to Paris as well. So I don't see why there won't be another one.

Spam

[hellofist]

Don't know... what you're missing. But, you were dragon, once. Guess you know... what flying feels like. Don't have to... jump off stuff.

[They've never really talked much about the things that Merlin saw before Cass arrived on the Barge, on the things she's missed out on. Cass isn't really sure if that makes those things off limits to talk about, but if he brings it up it must be fine, right?]

What happened? Were they... calm, like London?