Seventeenth Unused Utility Belt | Spam and text

[hellofist]

[Open Spam]
[Cass inhabiting the CTS isn't a new Barge occurrence, but it's not typical for her to go in looking upset and come out still... really looking upset. But here she is, sitting on the floor outside the CTS to catch her breath and wait for her legs to start working again because it's been a few hours now of nothing but punching and kicking and pushing herself so she wouldn't feel anything, but it's not really doing the job this time around.

So yeah, she's kind of brooding outside the CTS like any good Bat does after an upsetting day.]


[Private text to Dean]
Out.


[Spam for Merlin]
[She goes back into the CTS after her break, but it's still not enough. In the end she's just on her knees punching the floor until her hands are bleeding and that helps, finally. Only took her hours to get there. Finally she leaves the CTS and makes her way back home to wait for Merlin. He can fix her, her hands and her heart.

It's a bit surprising, though, that she runs into him in the hallway, him approaching the door from the other direction. Even after everything, she's able to smile when she sees him.]

Was just... gonna find you. Hi.

Comments

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[Merlin's been at work and blissfully unaware of what's gone on while he was in the Infirmary, but when he sees her - he knows something's badly wrong, and when his gaze drops to her bleeding hands that only confirms it.]

Oh. Cassandra -

[He moves close, touching her arms gently, too afraid of how else she might be injured to pull her into a hug.]

Cass, are you alright? What happened? Here -

[He opens the door to his cabin to let her in.]

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[hellofist]

[She's gotten all the anger out, so all that's left is overwhelming sadness. When he touches her arms she leans into him, exhausted and sad and just so glad she has him to go to.]

Better now. Nowhere else is hurt, just hands.

[Well, that's not strictly true, but is the only part of her that he can fix with magic. She's come a long way in the last few months, doesn't let her injuries go unattended or ignore it when she gets hurt. She stays close for just a little longer, then pulls back to go inside.]

Talked to Cain. Probably... should stop doing that.

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[takeyouapart]

[He follows her in, closing the door behind them.]

...maybe. But I understand why you do.

[Because she's a good person. Because she understands redemption. Because in spite of everything there's some part of her that wants to give him the chance to be the father she deserves. And as much as Merlin wishes she would just give up on him, deny him the chance to hurt her over and over again like this...she wouldn't be the Cassandra he knows and loves if she did.

He takes her hands gently, cupping his palms under hers.]

Ic haele thina throwunga.

[His eyes glow for that brief moment, and he watches as the split skin closes and the bruises fade.]

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[hellofist]

[She watches her hands heal too, wishing it was this easy to fix everything that's broken with this situation.]

He... was talking about me. On the network. Called me kid, acted like... good father, made daughter snacks.

[Her eyes are going blurry now, the outline of their hands swimming in her vision. She hasn't cried yet but it looks like that might be coming up soon.]

I couldn't let him. Couldn't let... him pretend that. Won't let him hide... from what he did.

Re: Spam

[takeyouapart]

No. You shouldn't.

[He pulls her into a hug carefully, wraps his arms around her.]

I just wish it didn't hurt you so much.

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[hellofist]

[Merlin's hug is careful, but Cass' arms go around him so she can hug him tightly and bury her face against his shoulder.]

I didn't- even have a name, until Barbara. Fathers give names. He wasn't- he was trainer, I thought. Thought he took me. Took me from... family that loved me, maybe.

[She knows the truth now, that that would never be something she would have ever had, but for so long she had hoped that somewhere out there were parents who had wanted just a daughter, not a killer.]

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[takeyouapart]

[He hugs back just as tight and kisses the top of her head.]

You found one for yourself. I will always be in awe of the strength that took, Cass.

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[hellofist]

[It wasn't that long ago that she was the one holding him when he was upset about his own father, so it seems like things have come full circle now.

And he's right, she does have a family now, a good one. Parts of it are gone, with Bruce leaving and the knowledge that Stephanie's days here are numbered. But she has Merlin and Arthur and Dean, Barbara is still here and Chris might become her brother someday. She has support here, the things Cain isn't capable of giving her.

But she still wants him to. She still wants a family with him as part of it and she knows, she knows that will never be possible. It's then that her shoulders begin to shake and the tears finally come, bitter and painful sobs because she feels anything but strong right now.]

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[takeyouapart]

[He doesn't try to shush her, doesn't say anything; some things need to be bled out before the pain stops. He just kisses her again and puts one hand in her hair, rubbing the other across her quaking shoulders and wishing he could just hide her away from all this, that he could strip the hurt from her because there's already been far too much.]

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[hellofist]

[Eventually, Merlin will leave too. She's so proud of him for having found the strength to return to Camelot, for finding something so important to do and being willing to commit to it, but what will happen to her when he goes? Who will hold her when she needs to cry and tell her with their body that she's loved?

She can't dwell on that though, it will only serve to break her down more and she doesn't want to be broken. Slowly the trembling subsides and she leans back a little, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.]

I love you.

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[takeyouapart]

I love you too, Cassandra.

[He knows he doesn't have to say it, but he likes to. There have been too many people now who...well, he didn't get the chance.

He kisses her forehead and lets go of her so he can reach up, gently wiping the wetness off her cheeks with his thumbs.]

Can I make you some tea?

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[hellofist]

[Nothing has really been solved by this, all the same feelings and failings and damage is still there, but it feels like less now. She feels lighter when he tells her he loves her too, like a heavy weight has been lifted off her heart. And then he wipes her tears away and offers tea and it draws out a tiny smile.

She nods, holding his hand against her cheek to soak this in a little bit more before she has to let him put distance between them. He'll need both hands to make the tea, after all.]

Would love tea.

Re: Spam

[takeyouapart]

[He smiles gently and nods, going over to where there's a kettle and some jars of leaves waiting.]

...I just finished my shift at the Infirmary, so, I've got nothing to do for the rest of today.

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[hellofist]

[While he's busy with the tea, she goes to sit at the table, both feet up on the bench and her arms wrapped around them.]

Good. Need to, um... tell you something. [She realizes after she says it that that sounds a little menacing, so she hurries to add-] Nothing bad. It's about... my deal.

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[takeyouapart]

Oh?

[Maybe it's not bad, but Merlin doesn't know if it's anything good either if she's curling herself up like that. He leaves the tea to brew and goes to sit down next to her on the bench.]

What is it, Cass?

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[hellofist]

[The posture is all about having expected to be sitting on her own until the tea was finished and her lingering feelings over the confrontation with her father, not at all about the deal. If anything, thinking about her deal cheers her up. Once he's sitting by her, she reaches for his hand.]

When you told me... Arthur comes back, you'd be there? Started thinking... about Guinevere. Even before she came, saw... he needs her. Just like he needs you.

So... changed my deal. When he comes back... Gwen will too.

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[takeyouapart]

[There's nothing but plain shock on his face for a moment.]

You've...

Cass, are you sure?

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[hellofist]

[Well, that's an incredibly silly question. His look of shock gets a frown in response.]

Yes. Was obvious choice. Loki will... take awhile, but it's okay. Dealing with him... is very worth this.

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[takeyouapart]

Of course. I'd do anything for Gwen, myself, but...there's nothing you want for yourself?

[Really, Merlin, there's a pot/kettle issue here.]

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[hellofist]

[She gives him a knowing look.]

When you're used to... having nothing, wanting things isn't first thought.

Besides, have everything I need, here.

Re: Spam

[takeyouapart]

[He smiles fondly and wraps an arm around her shoulders.]

Have you told Arthur about this?

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[hellofist]

[She leans into him, her own arm going around his waist.]

No, not yet. Think I should?

Re: Spam

[takeyouapart]

...I don't know. He knows what's going to happen, but...I know he doesn't like to be reminded of it.

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[hellofist]

Will just save it, then. Tell if it... comes up naturally.

[She has no idea how that would happen, but it seems better than just springing it on him. With Merlin, it seemed fair he knew what was in store, what he'd have to work with when that time came. Might be a little awkward to have Guinevere suddenly pop back to life with no warning.]

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[takeyouapart]

I think that's for the best.

[He's got his doubts own regarding what conversation could take place between them into which this revelation would fit, but...well, maybe that's for the best as well. He kisses the side of Cassandra's head briefly before getting up to pour their tea.]