Ninteenth Unused Utility Belt | Video, backdated to after the breach ends (cw: fire damage)

[hellofist]

[The feed comes on to show Cass... well, she kind of looks like crap. But more than that, behind her her room, her real room on the Barge, seems to be confused about what it wants to be. In some places it's a replication of what Merlin's room looks like - there's his bed in one corner, a large wooden table with a red rose in a pot, for example.

Other parts are what the inside of a burned down building would look like. There's smoke damage, blackened walls, the remains of a dresser. The big computer is halfway melted and warped, the screen cracked and beyond repair. Looks like the Barge couldn't recreate what home is for Cass because she doesn't even know herself anymore.]

I'm back.

[There's not... that much to say after that, really. She's back, yay, no she doesn't want to talk about it.]

It was... about a week? I think. Learned... lots of things. About me, about... what I'm for. Why I... was made. It's funny, how you can... be so sure, who you are, but be... completely wrong.

Anyway. Back.


[Private to Merlin]
Are you... working? Or in room?


[Private to Dean, Chris, and Cassel, sent separately]
Have... to give you something. Can I come over?


[Private to Stephanie]
I understand, now. Why... I'm not Batgirl. Why you are. I didn't really, before. But... I'm glad you are.


[Private to Kon]
[After far too long passes with no answer to Steph, Kon gets a slightly panicked message from Cass.]

Where is Stephanie?


[Private to Dick Grayson and Tim Drake]
I know... that you won't see this. You can't. I just miss you. I shouldn't, but I wish... you were here.

Comments

spam

[patheticvillain]

[He passes them from hand to hand, staying quiet for a moment. Then he puts them away in a drawer. He'll take them out to look at later. To think about.]

You made Chris sad.

[He still won't look at her.]

spam

[hellofist]

[She frowns, the guilt clear on every inch of her. It doesn't matter how much she didn't want to go, how it wasn't her choice, she still hurt people. She hurt people who matter most to her in the world, it's only right Cassel remind her.

Maybe she wants this, someone to punish her for abandoning everyone. In a way, it feels good.]

I know. I'll fix it.

spam

[patheticvillain]

[You made me sad, he wants to tell her, but he can't. Not only because he doesn't know how to make the words come out, but because it feels less real than the pain Chris felt. It only just came to him now. How can that be the same thing?]

[His mouth twists as his fingers lock together in his lap, almost painfully. There's a phantom sense of broken bones, not real anymore, but it's easier to focus on that than on Cass's presence.]

[When he speaks at last, his voice is thick.]

Sorry I was such a bad brother.

spam

[hellofist]

[That's the thing with Cass, he doesn't say it but he might as well have. She sees it all and it makes her want to hug him, fix this, she even takes half a step forward before she stops herself.]

You aren't. [Weren't? She doesn't want to switch tenses yet, he still feels like hers, part of her.] I'm sorry I left you.

spam

[patheticvillain]

Yes, I was.

[He will put it in the past, where it belongs. But then she steps toward him, and he doesn't know what he's feeling at all besides confused. They were so close, in that other world, she was someone he could rely on without question, and she held him when he was sad or scared or hurt, and he never ever thought she'd use him.]

[It's this and the step forward that pull him out of the chair and tug him towards her, awkwardly. He is learning to want to be close, but it's not natural yet. He moves like a frightened animal, watching her carefully.]

It . . . wasn't your fault. [He's still angry. But it really wasn't her fault.]

spam

[hellofist]

No. Feels like it, though.

[As much as she wants to just put her arms around him, she waits. This can't be forced, if she tries to rush him it might ruin everything.]

You really weren't, Cassel. Maybe did dumb things, but your heart... was in right place. Still is.

spam

[patheticvillain]

Doesn't feel like it.

[He lashes out. He's angry. He wants to hurt people. He's vicious, and he only trusts people who've proven themselves trustworthy. His heart isn't in the right place at all.]

[But it's nice that she thinks it is.]

[He shifts his weight from one foot to the other.]

Are you - upset that Loki's gone? [Now it'll be clear to her that he's hiding something. He's not even trying that hard to hide it.]

spam

[hellofist]

[All of those things don't make a bad person, just a person who still has a few more things to learn. And really, she isn't that different. She gets mad, she hurts, she killed her mother and it still feels like that was only a few hours ago, thanks to the timing of the breach.]

I'm... upset I didn't do more. He was... bad, here. Hurt people, people I love. Glad they're safe now, but... wish he was here, still. Don't think it's better... with him gone, back in his world. He'll hurt there, and it's... partly my fault.

[There's no self-pity there, she doesn't expect sympathy from him, it's just honestly how she looks at it. He was better off here, where she could rein him in, than causing mayhem in his world.]

spam

[patheticvillain]

[He stills, listening. Cass is worried about everyone back in Loki's world. It's kind of weird, because Cassel's been thinking on a larger scale lately, and . . . he doesn't know what to do about it, other than carry guilt, like she's doing. He doesn't want to.]

[Here and now, though, he looks away, then back, and makes a decision.]

He wanted me to hurt you. But I . . . didn't want to.

spam

[hellofist]

[That's... well, it isn't surprising, from Loki. And it makes sense now, the way Cassel distanced himself from her. She can't really be angry about it, so she settles for curious instead.]

Why?

spam

[patheticvillain]

Because I didn't believe him.

[The answer comes instantly - but no, that's not right, and he knows it. It's not that he didn't believe him. It's that he didn't want to. He hadn't wanted to think Cass would hurt Loki, because maybe, if there was just one good person here . . . ]

I didn't - want to believe him. Not about that, anyway.

I didn't think you were lying to me about what kind of person you were, I guess.

spam

[hellofist]

Was it about... him in Zero twice?

[She really had hoped that anyone who saw that would trust her, know her well enough to know Loki was framing it wrong, in the best way to hurt her. Maybe she should have made some public statement, but she chose not to. Even now she's not unhappy with that decision, but... well, it would have been good for Cassel to know before now, she sees.]

spam

[patheticvillain]

Honest? I don't know what it was about. He was angry. I was angry, too. Somebody hurt me, and I wanted to hurt somebody else back.

[He half-shrugs and looks away, back at the surface of the desk, like it excuses this.]

But I didn't want to believe you'd do anything bad to him, so I believed it about Steph instead.

spam

[hellofist]

[There's a long stretch of silence while she considers this, what it means. Loki had hid this plot well, if that's what it was. An attempt to hurt Cass by hurting people she cared about, it seems.

There's only one set of shoulders for the blame to be placed on and it's Loki's, not Cassel's.]

He tricks everyone. Lies to everyone. It's not your fault.

spam

[patheticvillain]

I think there's a lot of it that's my fault. He didn't trick me really. He just told me what he knew I wanted to hear, knowing I'd lash out.

We're not so different, him and me. He was angry like I am.

[He still feels guilty about this, but it's clear that he believes it, too. That it's as true, and that on some level he's proud for knowing it's true. This is one of the first things he was able to take responsibility for. He took responsibility in Zero, and he's doing it again now.]

[He doesn't want anyone to take that away from him.]

spam

[hellofist]

Sounds like tricking, to me. Manipulation. He knew... you needed a push, wanted one, so he gave it. Doesn't excuse you, but blame rests... with him too.

spam

[patheticvillain]

Well.

[He grins weakly, shoving his hands in his pockets.]

That's better than you trying to act like none of it was my fault, anyway. It's a start.

I missed you, too.

spam

[hellofist]

[She steps in closer, reaching up to put a hand on his shoulder.]

Going to hug you, now. Ready?

spam

[patheticvillain]

[It's easier if he initiates it. The touch surprises him, not much, but enough so he knows to be careful. He's strange and finicky sometimes. But he wants to hug her.]

[So he just does, reaches out and pulls her close like she's a breakable thing, tucking his chin onto her shoulder.]

Ready.

spam

[hellofist]

[With a sigh, Cass puts her arms around Cassel and hugs him back, tighter than he's holding her because she can take it and it's better when it's closer.]

Good.

[She ducks her head and closes her eyes, listening to Cassel's heartbeat and just not reading him for a few long moments.]

spam

[patheticvillain]

[Cass has never felt like a threat to him. It's unusual, but he's learned to accept it, that she's someone who hasn't had to earn his trust but whom he trusts implicitly. Something about her - she's not normal, but she's also not broken in the same way he is. Maybe they can help each other.]

[He holds her tightly, wanting to keep her away from that room and whatever happened at home for as long as he can.]

spam

[hellofist]

[He really does feel like family now, holding her protectively like this. He did before a little because of how close he was to Chris, because of the similarities she saw in him, but the breach has only amplified them. She doesn't really want to let go, now.]

You've opened door, now. One hug means... more will happen.

spam

[patheticvillain]

I'm okay with that.

[Which he says into her shoulder and is barely intelligible. But really, he's okay.]

You're allowed to hug me now. [He's decided.]

spam

[hellofist]

[He doesn't have to say it out loud at all, really. She can tell even without reading him. Stroking his hair, she kisses the side of his head and gives him another squeeze. It's the people who don't hug, who aren't affectionate, that usually need it the most, so she's perfectly willing to give it.]

spam

[patheticvillain]

[He pulls away eventually, not out of discomfort but embarrassment. He's still not used enough to this to be able to treat it as normal. But he's getting there.]

You were a good sister.