Eleventh Unused Utility Belt | Video, Spam

[hellofist]

Um. I'm awake, now.

[Have a wave and half a smile, Barge.]

Didn't mean... to worry anyone. Sorry. I'm okay, though. I know... things have changed. Birthday passed. Was going to be... first one. Never knew it, growing up. Guess weapons... weren't allowed them. Merlin said, can have party. Don't know how, though. Could use tips.

Want to see everyone. Can meet somewhere, or you... come to Merlin's room. Staying here now, moved stuff already. It's... safer, this way. For my heart.

[That doesn't make a lot of sense out of context though, does it? She sighs and her smile fades, dissolves into a look that's somewhere between uncomfortable and just sad.]

There's a man here, David Cain. My father.

[She's truthful almost all of the time anyway, but this is when it becomes clear she's affected by this flood.]

Don't kill him. He's not... worth your time. Deserves a chance. Bad father, bad man, deserves to die, maybe should die, but... deserves his chance, too. Just leave him alone. Don't want people... getting hurt. Love you all too much.

That's... guess that's all.


Private to Bruce Wayne
Don't anymore, okay? Once is enough.

I love you.



Private to David Cain
Promise still stands. You kill anyone, I kill you.

... Hope this place... works, for you.



Spam for Dean and Barbara, separately
[Some people deserve to see her in person without waiting so she goes to them first, knocks and knocks and knocks on their doors until they open up, let her in. Once they do, they'll have an armful of Cass because there's no stopping her once she sees those faces again.]

Comments

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[ichoosefight]

Sure. I never really know what to talk about but it doesn't usually take long and today I'll probably just start rambling about something I didn't even want to share, like I did with Bruce.

[ And lo and behold. ]

Oh, that's something to talk about, he hugged me. Like, five times. It was kind of weird actually, in a nice way. I don't want to admit I liked it because I got in so much trouble trying to get Batman's approval and I know I don't need it but I still kinda want it sometimes even if I don't want to want it.

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[hellofist]

What did... he say?

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[ichoosefight]

He said a lot of things. [ She looks down at her lap. It was a very strange conversation, and she's still sort of processing. ] He said that he cares about me and he trusts me and he wants to help me if he can. And then he said that he's selfish which seemed kind of silly after he said everything else.

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[hellofist]

He'll graduate, soon. Can see it, he's changed.

Think he'll stay? Become... Warden, to someone?

[The hope there? It's pretty obvious and maybe just slightly desperate. She doesn't like the idea of Bruce leaving.]

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[ichoosefight]

I don't know, but I hope so. He deserves to get out of this place but I don't like the idea of what he has to go home to. I think he should just bail and find some other world. [ Let it never be said that Steph never cuts and runs. ]

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[hellofist]

Well, Kon's going... to your world. Take Bruce too.

[There, fixed. Easy.]

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[ichoosefight]

I'm not sure how the other Bruce would take that. And you know they wouldn't be able to hide from each other.

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[hellofist]

If anyone can... find way, it's you.

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[ichoosefight]

[ She grins, almost sheepishly. ]

I love how much faith you have in me even if I don't always feel like I deserve it.

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[hellofist]

You do. That and... a lot more. For who you are, and... what happened.

Still don't... blame you, for leaving. Never have. If you had to, you had to. So don't... feel guilty anymore, okay?

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[ichoosefight]

I'll stop feeling guilty when the people I love stop hurting because of it. [ She looks down at the floor, thinking of Tim. ] So it might be a while. I know that I couldn't help it and I shouldn't blame myself but I still feel bad. I hate that any of it happened at all.

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[hellofist]

[She doesn't really have anything to say to that because it's all true. Of course it is, that's the nature of this flood. So Cass does the only thing she can think of that might help.

She leans over and puts her arms around Steph, hugging her tightly.]

It's okay.

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[ichoosefight]

[ Steph hugs her back, squeezing just as hard. ]

It will be. Some day. Thanks for saying it.

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[hellofist]

[It's always nice when she gets an excuse to hug Steph, so Cass rubs her back absently, trying to make it the best hug possible.]

Don't have to thank. Say it... because it's true, to me.

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[ichoosefight]

I'm glad. Even if it is just the truth it makes me feel better.

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[hellofist]

Well, good. Want that. For you... to feel good.

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[ichoosefight]

I want that for you too. I really hope you don't decide to stay here forever.

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[hellofist]

[Welp, so much for that moment. Cass pulls back and frowns at Steph.]

Happy here, most of time. Why did... you do that? Bring that back?

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[ichoosefight]

I can't help it. [ She flushes in her perfectly candid distress. ] It's the flood. I'm just saying everything that crosses my mind. I even started describing the details of my love life to Doyle.

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[hellofist]

Not- that why. Why can't you... just accept it? Don't want Gotham, don't want dying, don't want- whatever I do.

You think... what I want, doesn't count? Not- what you want, for me? [Now that she's started, she can't seem to stop.] Want me to... come back with you? Watch you, happy with Kon, married, children, while I'm... alone? Is that better? Better to be sad there, or dead in Gotham? That's better... than helping people here?

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[ichoosefight]

[ Steph blinks up at Cass in surprise for a moment. The hurt and sadness are clear on her face as well as the rest of her. ]

I just don't want to lose you. I want to share my happiness and my family with you. I want you to meet my future kids. I want us both to survive long enough to become cranky old ladies together. I don't want to go home and find you gone and never see you again.

[ She chews her lip, looks down at the ground, concedes. ]

But you're right, I'm selfish. My idea of what the future should look like isn't more important than your happiness. If staying here forever will really make you happy then that's what you should do no matter how I feel about it. I have a hard time believing that's really the case, but I'll miss you either way.

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[hellofist]

That will never happen. Not... for me.

[The idea of getting old at all is completely new to Cass. People like her, they don't do that. She can't imagine a reality where she would be like Steph, hanging up her costume for the chance to have a family, to have a civilian life.

She'd rather die. Steph started as a normal person, but Cass? Bruce? The cowl is all they are. It's all they know how to be, the only way they know how to live. You don't just put that away.]

Your future is... your future. You picked it, when you... let us think you died. Want you in my life, Steph, but... no right, to judge me. None. Used to think... you knew me, understood. You did, as Spoiler. But now?

[She shakes her head.]

Strangers do better. Kon does. Dean. It's like... you want me on leash. A pet, to follow you. Do what... you want.

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[ichoosefight]

[ Steph looks up, searching Cass' eyes for some sign of where things went wrong. ]

I never meant to- I didn't choose anything, Cass, and I definitely didn't choose my future when I left, if anything I chose to give up my future. I don't know what's happened to us but I hate it and now I'm going to cry and maybe I should just go.

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[hellofist]

What happened was, you've had years. Years, to change from... Spoiler, to Batgirl. To grow up, move past me. I'm still me. Haven't changed. You want... something I'm not.

[And she says she should go, but it feels more like Steph running away. Cass frowns, but just nods. If Steph wants to run, leave things like this, it's her choice.]

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[ichoosefight]

I want my best friend. [ She rubs at her eyes, contemplates pushing the chair back and getting to her feet. If she leaves now, it might be too late to fix this. ] I don't know what to do, Cass. The person I used to be made so many mistakes. I got people killed, hundreds of people. I can't go back to who I was before.