Thirteenth Unused Utility Belt | Video

[hellofist]

[Private to the Admiral]
Um... hi? [Do you even do small talk with the Admiral when you have to ask him things? Does he even care if you're polite? Cass has no idea but hey, it can't hurt.] Need Loki to be... restricted. His strength, mostly. Make him... strong as average human. Please.

And, um. Thank you?

[Filtered from Loki]
[Now that that's dealt with, hello barge! Cass is hanging out in the CES today, sitting on a rock so she can get some sun. All that time in the infirmary left her feeling kind of stir crazy, so here she is.]

By now, will have seen... Loki's... whatever that was. Sorry, for him. Would be better if... he'd just bother me. No one else... should have to see that.

But, it's also good. What he wants, it's public. Everyone knows, wants to hurt me. But, he won't attack me. He'll hurt you. Everyone I love, everyone I care about, he'll hurt them.

So, restricted his strength. Which means, most of you? Stronger than him, now. Still, be careful. He's insane, if he wants to hurt, he'll find way. All I ask is... try not to kill him?

That's, um. That's all.

[She waves, then cuts the feed.]


[Private text to Merlin]
<3

Comments

Spam

[hellofist]

Just want you... to be happy. You're not.

[And honestly, it's as simple as that.]

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[He's uneasy, not sure what to make of her words.]

I don't mean for that to be something I'm inflicting on you.

Re: Spam

[hellofist]

[She gives him a look that suggests she thinks that's an entirely silly thing to say.]

Of course not. It's just... how people work. See someone... they care about sad, feel sad too. Want to help. Doesn't work that way.

[With a shrug, she looks up at the sky. There's just big fluffy clouds there, nothing that could be shapes no matter how hard she tries to see them.]

Can't fix your sadness. Can only... help make it less. Or, try to. Hard, when you... don't talk. But, won't ask you to. If you want to, you will.

Re: Spam

[takeyouapart]

[His mouth makes the right shape but you couldn't call it a smile.]

Usually, when I want to - with anyone - I just...don't, because they haven't asked and I don't want to be a burden.

Spam

[hellofist]

Sometimes, asking pushes people away. Try to help, so you ask, they close off. Having you, but not knowing... what you're thinking, better than losing you. They might be scared.

[She has it a little easier thanks to her ability to read him, but the last month or so is enough evidence to show that even she isn't perfect. Even Cass picks the wrong things to do, to say. Asking him on a date had been stupid, she should have seen that.]

No one who cares, who loves you, would ever think... you're a burden. You can't be. Friends are never burdens.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[It's more or less what he thought she'd say. It's no comfort.

Besides, he's already closed off. How much worse does she think he can get?]

I still wish you'd ask. You won't lose me for that. Even if I say no sometimes, I can't...I can't read you, Cass. I don't know what you want.

Spam

[hellofist]

[All he would have to do is look at the Bruce they have here to have the answer to that question. There is always more closed off. At least now, Merlin's talking to her. That might not always be the case.

And he asks, so she tells him.]

Want you to talk. Want you to smile, to hug me. But not if... you only do it, so I'll be happy. Want Cain to go away, want a building to climb, want to sleep by you. Don't want to be alone. Want Morgana to walk. Want her to smile.

[There's no particular order to it, she just says things as she thinks them and then she stops, she looks to him to see what his body will tell her.]

Can keep going, but... those are basics.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[It's a longer list than he'd be able to come up with. Then again, wanting things is a trait he's as good as unlearned, over time. And, he thinks, maybe it's relatively new to Cassandra.]

I can talk.

Spam

[hellofist]

I can listen. Want to.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

Alright.

[He's quiet a moment longer.]

Do you remember the flood, early last month? Some people couldn't lie, or even...avoid saying certain things.

Spam

[hellofist]

[She nods. She'd heard some incredibly unexpected things, which was new, so it's hard to forget it.]

Yes, I remember.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[A nod.]

I was...Chromie was influenced, and when I told her so she said she didn't think she was dishonest, usually. I said I thought that she just tries to give the impression she's mortal when she isn't, and she...she told me I would understand, because I do the same thing.

Spam

[hellofist]

[It's hard to parse that at first, to work out exactly what he means, because it doesn't make sense. Merlin pretends to be mortal? Since when? He has the part of him inside that makes him a Dragonlord, but that isn't really hidden. Everyone saw he was a dragon on the inside during the animal breach, it just meant a little extra for him than it did for everyone else.

Not being mortal is different, though. Now that she has something to look for, she can almost see it. Under the Dragonlord part, or existing alongside it, there's always been something else. The part that made him magic, she had assumed. Maybe it does that and more.]

Was it true? Or just... something she believed?

Spam

[takeyouapart]

I wasn't pretending. I didn't know. It's - the name the druids call me, Emrys, that's what it means. Immortal. I didn't think it was meant so...so literally.

Spam

[hellofist]

Emrys.

[It's her first time hearing that name, so she repeats it quietly like if she says it now, all of this will make more sense to her.

Mortal is a word she's more used to hearing put with wounds, something you can die from. If he's immortal-]

You can't die.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

I can. I have, here on the Barge, by Morgana's hand. But not of old age. If I take care of myself, then I'll just...keep going.

Spam

[hellofist]

[It's times like this Cass wishes she were smarter, that she knew what words really meant instead of guessing. She's frowning now, but it's only because she's frustrated with herself.

That, and hearing that Morgana killed him at some point.]

Could see that... something was different, in you. Not just the... dragon parts.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[Don't worry, Cass, 'immortal' is a pretty flexible word. Sometimes it includes invulnerability, sometimes it doesn't.

Merlin smiles weakly at that.]

I suppose you just thought it was my charming personality.

Spam

[hellofist]

[She smiles back at him softly, leaves the tea sitting on the rock so she can reach for his hand again.]

Or just really big ego. [Which makes her smile again because there's nothing less true.]

What I said, about... people being things to lose, about- not cutting off, to avoid getting hurt... Is that... what's been wrong?

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[His hand curls around hers without anything much in the way of conscious input.]

Something like that. I...

[He looks up at the clouds overhead.]

It's never been easy to think about my future, but now it's...unimaginable.

Spam

[hellofist]

[That makes sense. How can you plan for something, prepare to face it, when it will never come? How do you learn to wait forever?]

I can... kind of understand. At home, people like me... don't live long. We know, with our work, we won't last. Have to... make that work, somehow. Cherish what we have, while we can.

Not exactly... the same for you. I know. And... I'm sorry, you have to do this. Deal with it, after... everything else.

[That's all she has, though. The tiniest bit of understanding because she's been there too, sympathy for what he's going through. It sounds hollow and useless even as she says it, but she has to say something. He's right, he can't read her. She could hug him as tightly as she could and try to show him with her body language she's here if he needs to lean on her, but that's not how he communicates.]

Re: Spam

[takeyouapart]

[Cherish what we have, while we can.

The words resonate in him. Because they're true, aren't they? Whether you're the one who's leaving or the one who's left, the encounters with the people your own life touches will be...fleeting. And as much as it frightens him to hear Cass talk about the brevity of her own life, he knows that can't be a reason to turn away from her.

He can't afford to be callous. To cut every tie and feel himself fall away. What use will he ever be - to Arthur, to Albion, to any purpose - if he forgets his humanity?

He squeezes her hand.]

It'll be alright.

[And for once he almost means it.]

Spam

[hellofist]

Takes time, to adjust. I think, after we figure it out... life seems less important, for heroes. We see, time is limited. So, what's the point? Why make friends, we'll just lose them. Make them sad, when we die. Why learn things, go places, enjoy life, when it's... just gonna stop?

[She's never told him about the gang wars in Gotham, but she knows there was a time the barge went there. Maybe he saw it then, the mess that city could be. How dangerous, how it could turn on the very people protecting it in the blink of an eye.]

Before I came here, there was... a big war, in Gotham. Lots of people died. Stephanie - she was Spoiler, then - she was... captured. Killed. That's what... they told us. But she didn't die. She left. She couldn't... do it anymore. So she ran away. Let everyone think she... was dead. I didn't even know, til here. Found her again here, alive.

Talking to her... might help? Would say, talk to Tim, but... [But he's gone. Bruce isn't an option, neither is Selina if she's going around demanding to know what Merlin's intentions are in the most hostile of ways. Dick could be, but with Tim gone she thinks talking about the super hero game might not be something he's actually up for.] Maybe Superman? Or Kon. Wade doesn't die, either. Except... tried to kill you. Maybe not him.

[She frowns. The list of people Merlin could feasibly talk to about this kind of thing is woefully short.]

Point is, not alone. There's always... something, to make us see. To find point again. Just have to find it. [Smiling at him, she squeezes his hand back.] We can help you.

Spam

[takeyouapart]

[Merlin smiles. He didn't need any of it, but it was good to hear nonetheless.]

You already have.

Spam

[hellofist]

[Her head cocks to the side at that, a look of surprise on her face. That was fast.]

That easy, huh?